Saturday, July 31, 2010

In defense of my mothering

I think the previous post needs a little clarification: I didn't actually ever forget a birthday. He has had four birthdays and they have all been celebrated. Let's walk through his birthdays together.

1. His "birth"day was July 30, 2006. It was difficult to mistake this one considering all the pain associated with it. He was due Aug. 31, 2006 and when my water broke I was worried, though not surprised, because I felt he was not going to last in my belly any longer.

2. His first birthday came and went and it wasn't until almost his second birthday that I realized we celebrated the first one on the wrong day. The reason we mixed up his birthday was because I had the due date, the 31st, stuck in my head and I had told myself it would be easy to remember because Mike's birthday was January 31st, so 31 and 31 should be easy to remember. But alas, he was born on the 30th. I haven't forgotten that his birthday is July 30th since and won't ever again.

3. His second birthday came, and having caught our earlier mistake, we celebrated his birthday in style.

4. His third birthday was not forgotten either. However, I was not home for his birthday because I was in Utah attending my sister's wedding. Mike and the boys did some fun things and Isaac got some presents but it wasn't until I got home that we really celebrated his birthday. Hence, a second birthday, not really celebrated on his real birthday. His celebration included cousins, aunts, uncles, an alligator cake, and presents.

5. And finally, his fourth birthday. This birthday was not forgotten. The day came and went and his birthday was not celebrated on the right day but that isn't because we forgot it. I honestly, truly thought that Saturday was the 30th. I told my mom to make sure and call Isaac on Saturday because it was his birthday. When Mike asked me what day it was last night I absolutely believed it was the 29th. So, yes. I let his birthday pass by. But I didn't forget that his birthday was July 30th. I was just confused about what day we were on.

Today Isaac did not get the doughnuts he wanted for breakfast but I made his most frequently requested meal--pancakes. He did not get to open all six presents but he got to open four--the coolest ones of the bunch. He did not get to go swimming but he got to go horseback riding. He didn't get to go to McDonald's but he got to choose his favorite meal--chicken nuggets, soda, and chips. And he didn't get a batman cake but he got brownies. In a few days he will have earned all the smilies (15) required to get all the fun things he didn't get today.

So, yes. I cried and I felt bad about his birthday yet again. But the day was not a crap fest and he seemed pleased with all that happened.

If it turns out, that when he's an adult, he does need counseling, I doubt it will be because of this. We've made plenty more severe mistakes than this one. 1 2 3 4 5 ... you get the idea.


Saimi said...

Don't beat yourself up, when they are young like this they don't know or care when the actually date is. They are so easy to please and very forgiving. You're a great mom!

Michelle said...

As far as Moms go and parenting, you are a great Mother and I can think of many other Moms that need help with their parenting, including myself, but here's a couple great examples for you that I think is bad parenting:
Example 1--I used to work at HyVee from 8-11p.m. at night. So I would help get my children to bed for their 8p.m. bed time and then go 2 minutes down the street to HyVee and work. It never failed that around 10:45p.m. some parent or set of "pretender parents" would bring their children in the store. The children were dirty, and when I say dirty, I mean completely filthy with candy stuck to their outfits or stuff in their unbrushed hair, and crying. These parents would yell at their children over and over to SHUTUP. I wanted to ring them and tell them that if they had put their children to bed at a decent time, like a regular bed time then they wouldn't be acting out now.

Example 2--There was this lady we went to church with, she purposely wouldn't put her children in school (she homeschooled them) because (her reason) she couldn't get up in the morning to take them to school. (She said that once to my husband) She let them run around the house till midnight or later and then they all slept in till late in the morning the next day every day. The house was horribly dirty and had bugs in the food (I know this cause several of us would go over and help her clean her house when she was pregnant). Her children were sick all the time. While she was a good person, her parenting skills lacked horribly and needed some help.

I know I just hogged your blog, with these comments and my intention was just to let you know that you are SO FAR AWAY from bad parenting. Adrianne you have wonderful boys and you keep a wonderful clean home. At least you celebrate birthdays.

chelsey said...

I'm sorry I'm laughing at this, but only because I know you tried! You even mentioned to me that his birthday was coming up. Had I been smart enough to ask the date, I could've let you in on the fact that you had your days off. So you can pass some of your guilt off on me okay!?

And yes, Ike will recover nicely and never mind. He's such a sweetie and just wants your attention, regardless of the day. Don't beat yourself up too badly!

Cali said...

Oh, Adrianne. I just read your posts and I'm sorry to say that I'm still laughing. Nate always says that birthdays aren't that special anyway. Maybe he's right.

In all honesty, though, Isaac sure is a lucky boy to have you as his mom. I'm constantly inspired by you and grateful to know you. I hope that you had fun celebrating his birthday no matter what day it was celebrated on.