A randomly sentimental post

I was walking down the hall and Piper stopped me and asked if she could hug me.  Of course I said yes and she wrapped her arms around me and said, "You are the best mom.  You are my safe space."  I was not expecting her to say that and as you can imagine, if felt like I'd just been given the best gift.  

This week the kids went to a youth broadcast at church and they had breakout groups where they had to answer some questions and when asked where one of his sacred places were Eli answered, "My home because my parents try really hard to make sure the spirit is there."

When I was in therapy I had to confront some hard things and there was a day when after my session I knelt down and prayed, "Where were you in my story growing up?  Why didn't you show yourself to me?"  I have had a long time to consider this and I'm not sure if I have fully found an answer but I do think part of the answer is that I was a kid/teenager and not accustomed to looking for Him, but also, since asking that question, I've had a few insights.  

I am not sure if I know exactly where God was during some lonely, sad, uncomfortable moments of my life growing up, but I know where He is now.  He saw what I wanted for my own home.  He saw the relationships I hoped my children would have with each other and with me.  He gifted me with children that love me and love each other.  He gifted our home with laughter and safety.  We are not perfect. My kids will likely hold some grudges against me for mistakes I've made and will continue to make.  I don't always know what I'm doing or miss things I shouldn't but right now I feel so much gratitude for what we have.  I know it's a gift. 

This week Isaac asked me to help him find some photos for his senior collage and as I went through thousands of pictures from his birth to now I found myself teary-eyed.  Partly because I'm sad another son is leaving but mainly because of happiness.  We've lived such a good life together.  We have been so blessed.  Our kids are so lucky.  

Sometimes I even surprise myself at my sentimentality but that's okay.