This week I've had a mixture of feelings. I really believe and know that sadness and gratitude can co-exist. I feel sad and lonely for my friends. This two hour time difference is hard for me. I wish I could just pick up the phone whenever I want and call one of my friends but instead we usually have to schedule times to chat. Also, this week one of my dearest friends moved from Colorado Springs to Las Vegas. My group of friends got together to say goodbye and it just reminded me of the night they all showed up at my door the last night we were there and how they all stayed until 2 AM. It was such a sad day for me and having my friends come be with me meant so much to me. I wish we could all still be there together, not moving away. But, I was thinking this week about when my mom moved all the time and how they didn't have cell phones and calling long distance cost so much money. They didn't have texting or email, just snail mail and keeping up with one another was difficult. I am so thankful that I have the ability to keep up with the people that I love.
It was a strange thing for me knowing that my friends were all together while we went to a ward activity and tried to make new friends. I don't really know how to put what I was feeling and thinking into words. The ward activity was not well attended, which actually, I think was good for us. It allowed us to talk to a few people and not feel overwhelmed or too awkward. We had a great time and the boys spent the whole time running around with new friends and laughing and being generally crazy. The people I've met in this ward are so nice and I'm truly excited to get to know them better and hope to build strong friendships here.
This probably sounds sad or dramatic but I had this one experience when my family moved when I was younger that was not good and it was pretty damaging to me as a youth and it's nuts to me that here I am as a 34 year old adult having some residual feelings from that time. I sometimes feel inadequate and question if people here will really want to be my friend and my stomach just twists and turns and I feel those familiar anxious feelings in my stomach. I kind of hate it. I have to have those private talks to myself like, "You are a good friend and have so much to offer." Anyway, that probably sounds pathetic but I think it's about accurate of what I'm feeling right now. Thankfully, as mentioned, the people here have been so welcoming and nice and I feel so grateful for that.
Aside from missing my friends it is so hot here this week. Miserably hot. I feel sticky and wet the majority of the time I am not in my house. I keep repeating to myself, just wait until fall and winter. It will get better. Bleh.
Other things that have been happening this week are that the boys have made friends with some boys down the road. They seem like really nice boys and they invited my boys over for a party on Saturday. They had so much fun and it really made me so happy to see them making friends. We have been praying as a family that they boys could build some friendships with some kids that have good values and I feel that they are starting to do that and it makes me very happy.
Mike and I have been working out pretty consistently. We walk together every other morning for about two to three miles. Then I come home and do all my knee strengthening exercises. The days we don't go walking together he goes running and I stay home with Piper and do other strengthening exercises here or Piper and I go for a walk together. It's been one year since the knee surgery and the doctor told me at a year I could try to add running back in. I decided to try just a short distance so I jogged (very, very slowly) the distance of four mailboxes. It didn't hurt at all but I stopped because I was worried about doing too much too soon. That day my knee hurt something fierce later. I was pretty disappointed and worried but the next day it felt fine and a few days later I ran those four mailboxes again and didn't have any worse pain and I don't think it hurt as bad either. That is good. It's been such a difficult road for me but I'm trying to be positive about it and hopeful that if I'm patient and don't try to force things too quickly things will get better.
We both got callings this week as well. Mike requested to be the assistant ward clerk. He was joking when he requested it but also was hopeful about it. I was embarrassed he put in a request but believe it or not, he was called as the assistant ward clerk. Lucky boy. I was called as the Relief Society Enrichment Meeting Coordinator. I'm kind of feeling nervous about it. I've never been a part of enrichment so it's a first for me and this ward has such a diverse group of women that it will be fun and interesting. Wish me luck! They are having an enrichment meeting this coming month where they are making a video about what makes life good and we all had to send in pictures of us holding signs saying what things make life good for us. Here is mine:
And finally, this week I was talking to Mike about me taking pictures and explaining why I am taking so many lately. I think it is because I want to be happy and I want to love it here. I am missing Colorado so much and I don't want that to get in the way of me liking Tennessee. I know I can like them both and I don't want to compare them but rather, appreciate where I am now. So I think that having my camera ready to take pictures allows me to see Tennessee with a careful, appreciative eye. I think that if I take pictures of the interesting things around me it will help me feel more comfortable. So here are a bunch of pictures I've taken this week while I've been on walks or driving about. All of these pictures were taken minutes from my house. These sights are so close to me and it's cool to consider that I live in such a beautiful, green place.
|Look at how her hair curls here!|
|These cemeteries are all over the place. Most of them are little church cemeteries but some are just small family ones|
|Mike won't let me go for walks on this road. He says it's too curvy and dangerous. He's probably right but it makes me sad. It would be such a fun walk down this road, right?!|
|Ignore the phone poles. They are everywhere.|