Bipolar and some art

I told Mike that I think this blog is so bipolar.  One day it's a post that is so filled with sadness, fear and seriousness.  Then the next it's some mushy gushy stuff and my blog turns into some entry right out of Serious So Blessed.  It used to be that I could write with some amount of humor but my blog seems to be void of that lately.  There is definitely still humor in my life, I just struggle to write it now.  And it's funny too because I don't feel that my emotions are entirely bipolar, it just seems that those are the emotions that make me want to write something.  And this year has been filled with extreme emotions.  My sorrows are felt more deeply as well as my joys.  All the good things in my life mean so much more to me now--hence the mushy gushy stuff about Mike and the boys and all the people serving us, etc.  The sorrows are so deep sometimes that when I look at the good things, my heart just fills to overflowing because those are the things that are keeping me moving.  These boys, Mike, my friendships and family--these are the things that are keeping me sane and they mean so, so much to me and I don't know how to write about them all without my feelings of gratitude and love (read mushy gushy) spilling out on the screen.

So anyway, it's been a hard few days.  Actually, the majority of February was hard for me intermixed with some good days and weeks.  I think our budget for decorating and hobbies has increased a lot since Laila died because both of us need projects and things to create to keep us busy.  Today I was feeling emotionally icky and realized I don't have a project so I started drawing something, hoping to create something I could put on my wall in my bedroom.  It didn't turn out so well and it made me upset.  You know, in my mind I think I'm this amazing artist and when that thought transfers to paper I find I'm really just like a kid with a crayon.  My great grandmother was a famous Mormon artist and sometimes I imagine her shaking her head at my work saying, "This poor girl didn't get any of my talent."  And I don't have much of her talent.  But then I remember that she went to art school and had training from Robert Henri, a leading American Painter.  So I decided to take classes too--free online classes, that is.  How's that for training?  I doubt my free online classes will get me to the level I hope to be but at least I ought to learn something right?

In the meantime, I'm drooling over the work of a Korean artist Christian Asuh and this one in particular   .  I love this picture.  This picture displays exactly how I feel sometimes--like I'm just being carried.  Anyway, her work is whimsical and makes me feel happy.  I also enjoy the work of Nidhi Chanani.  She also has such a whimsical, charming quality that I love.  I adore her artwork for a nursery--so cute.

Anyway, enough about art.  I need to go to bed.