Thursday, March 01, 2012

Bipolar and some art

I told Mike that I think this blog is so bipolar.  One day it's a post that is so filled with sadness, fear and seriousness.  Then the next it's some mushy gushy stuff and my blog turns into some entry right out of Serious So Blessed.  It used to be that I could write with some amount of humor but my blog seems to be void of that lately.  There is definitely still humor in my life, I just struggle to write it now.  And it's funny too because I don't feel that my emotions are entirely bipolar, it just seems that those are the emotions that make me want to write something.  And this year has been filled with extreme emotions.  My sorrows are felt more deeply as well as my joys.  All the good things in my life mean so much more to me now--hence the mushy gushy stuff about Mike and the boys and all the people serving us, etc.  The sorrows are so deep sometimes that when I look at the good things, my heart just fills to overflowing because those are the things that are keeping me moving.  These boys, Mike, my friendships and family--these are the things that are keeping me sane and they mean so, so much to me and I don't know how to write about them all without my feelings of gratitude and love (read mushy gushy) spilling out on the screen.

So anyway, it's been a hard few days.  Actually, the majority of February was hard for me intermixed with some good days and weeks.  I think our budget for decorating and hobbies has increased a lot since Laila died because both of us need projects and things to create to keep us busy.  Today I was feeling emotionally icky and realized I don't have a project so I started drawing something, hoping to create something I could put on my wall in my bedroom.  It didn't turn out so well and it made me upset.  You know, in my mind I think I'm this amazing artist and when that thought transfers to paper I find I'm really just like a kid with a crayon.  My great grandmother was a famous Mormon artist and sometimes I imagine her shaking her head at my work saying, "This poor girl didn't get any of my talent."  And I don't have much of her talent.  But then I remember that she went to art school and had training from Robert Henri, a leading American Painter.  So I decided to take classes too--free online classes, that is.  How's that for training?  I doubt my free online classes will get me to the level I hope to be but at least I ought to learn something right?

In the meantime, I'm drooling over the work of a Korean artist Christian Asuh and this one in particular   .  I love this picture.  This picture displays exactly how I feel sometimes--like I'm just being carried.  Anyway, her work is whimsical and makes me feel happy.  I also enjoy the work of Nidhi Chanani.  She also has such a whimsical, charming quality that I love.  I adore her artwork for a nursery--so cute.

Anyway, enough about art.  I need to go to bed.


The Duke said...

I'm so glad that you are taking any kind of lessons, on-line or otherwise, to continue to paint. You don't have to paint like Grandma -- just choose your own style and go for it. You have always shown talent in that area.
And I, too, like the picture you included in the blog.

Megan said...

Minerva Teichert is your Great-Grandma?! Whoa that's cool!! I always have intentions to comment on your blog but I usually read your posts from my phone so I forget about commenting. I wanted to tell you I love your state wall art. I might have to do that someday too. Also your basement looks GREAT. Mike would really like to finish our basement and he likes to draw out sketches but it's not in the budget right now for us. You are a strong momma. Keep doing what your doing.

Paula said...

Thank you for sharing your story. I have bipolar disorder and it can be hard to cope with the highs and lows. One way I cope is to follow advice I found at I hope that others with bipolar find some useful advice on here too.