Our Laila

A little over a year ago I made a binder filled with general conference talks that I love. I have used this binder many times to give me added strength and comfort. One talk in particular has meant a lot to me this year. It's a talk by President Monson called Be of Good Cheer. In the talk, he tells of a story of a women who makes an almost impossible trek with her children. In the process she loses her children to starvation or extreme cold, one by one. She buries them with nothing more than a tablespoon and her fingers. Every time I've read the talk this past year, and it's been often, I've sobbed as I've imagined what it was like for her to bury each of her children. I always found strength from the talk knowing that at least I didn't have to bury my own children, and went on with my life with a renewed desire to shoulder my burdens a little better, with a more grateful heart.

I never imagined that a year later I would bury my own child.

One week ago today we put Laila down for a nap after church and she never woke up.

It has been a torturous week for our family. It has been a week of tender mercies--a week where the Lord's hand has been present in our lives. We have felt lifted by the prayers of our friends and family and know that our burdens have been a little lighter because they have been shared by others.

I made a comment to someone at the viewing that this is the worst thing I could ever experience. But I was wrong. I recognize that the worst thing to happen would be if one of my children, through choices of their own, died without their hearts turned towards God. I know that Laila is mine forever and I will do all I can to be with her again and teach my children to make those choices that will lead them back to her again.