Sunday, July 31, 2011

Our Laila


A little over a year ago I made a binder filled with general conference talks that I love. I have used this binder many times to give me added strength and comfort. One talk in particular has meant a lot to me this year. It's a talk by President Monson called Be of Good Cheer. In the talk, he tells of a story of a women who makes an almost impossible trek with her children. In the process she loses her children to starvation or extreme cold, one by one. She buries them with nothing more than a tablespoon and her fingers. Every time I've read the talk this past year, and it's been often, I've sobbed as I've imagined what it was like for her to bury each of her children. I always found strength from the talk knowing that at least I didn't have to bury my own children, and went on with my life with a renewed desire to shoulder my burdens a little better, with a more grateful heart.

I never imagined that a year later I would bury my own child.

One week ago today we put Laila down for a nap after church and she never woke up.

It has been a torturous week for our family. It has been a week of tender mercies--a week where the Lord's hand has been present in our lives. We have felt lifted by the prayers of our friends and family and know that our burdens have been a little lighter because they have been shared by others.

I made a comment to someone at the viewing that this is the worst thing I could ever experience. But I was wrong. I recognize that the worst thing to happen would be if one of my children, through choices of their own, died without their hearts turned towards God. I know that Laila is mine forever and I will do all I can to be with her again and teach my children to make those choices that will lead them back to her again.

21 comments:

Cute little Despains said...

Thanks for sharing. That was beautiful. You have been in my prayers.

Michelle said...

Adrianne, I really appreciate you taking the time to share this talk. I remember that talk and it touched me so deeply. Laila is so blessed to have such good parents. I love your family and we think of you all often. I feel so grateful to have had the opportunity to spend some time with your family this last week; you are such an example to me. Thank you so much for having that special temple sealing session all set up for the entire family. I love you.

Julie said...

Adrianne, My heart breaks for your and your sweet family. I wish there were words adequate enough to say at a time like this, but I know that there isn't. I remember many good talks we had, and I have always admired your strength and devotion. We will keep your in our prayers.

Megan said...

Our hearts are deeply saddened by your loss. We were just talking about your beautiful little girl. We can't imagine what your family is going through but you will be in our prayers.

Mike's little brother passed away at birth. On his mission he had a strong impression that his brother was an angel watching over him. Know that your little girl will be watching over your family.

With much love,
The Armstrongs

GrumpyJaxMomOf3 said...

Adrianne, I am so amazed by your strength. Your testimony has strengthened mine. I have been praying for you since last week when I read about Laila's funeral. I am thankful you had family and friends around to support you.

I know we have never met in person, but I still feel as though I know you in some small way. Please remember that those called to return to our Father in Heaven at such a young age were perfect! You were chosen to be the mother of a perfect daughter.... At least you have the knowledge that you will be able to see your daughter again soon!

Debbie said...

I remember that talk as well. Thank you for sharing. Even though this is a extremely painful time, at least you have the knowledge that she is yours forever and that you are being strengthened. We love and continue to think of you and pray for you.

Marianne said...

Adrianne, I have been thinking about you and your sweet family. I know that our Heavenly Father has been your strength and will continue to be. I will continue to pray for you and your precious family. I Love You and will try to remember to appreciate these precious grandchildren that have come into my life.

Debbie Barr said...

I've been thinking about and praying for your family a lot in the last week (I'd heard from your family members). I am so sorry for your loss, but I am always amazed by the strength I've seen from those dealing with these trials in the Gospel. My own sister lost a baby last December, and about that difficult time my mother has said it's important to choose faith. I will continue to keep your family in my prayers, and I hope that you continue to choose faith. May the Lord continue to bless you, your husband, and your boys.

Aaron and Lisa said...

We can't imagine what your family is going through, but we love you and will keep you in our prayers.

Tisha and Mark said...

Adrianne- I have been good friends with Jen and Jess for a long time. I heard about your loss and just wanted you to know you are in our prayers. May you and your family find peace and comfort during this difficult time.

Jess and Jen said...

Love you! Miss you! -Jen

CLAMES said...

Mike and Adrianne,
We are so saddened to read of your loss. Our thoughts and prayers are with your family.

Chris, Michelle, and the girls said...

Adrianne, This is such a moving post. Thank you for sharing your heart with everyone. I want you to know I am here for the long haul (and only a couple streets away- yay!) I am here for play dates and chats. I am here for some cries and lots of laughter. Let me know as family goes what pace you feel like going at. I'll see you Thursday night with dinner. Love, Michelle H.

Ali Walston said...

I love you! You are an inspiration and a joy to our family. We are blessed to know and love your family. We love that little girl and always will.

Kristi, Liezl, Quincy, Ava, and Josh said...

You have been in my thoughts and prayers this week. I am blessed to have you for a friend and an example. Thank you.

The Woods said...

This is a great talk with many examples of faith. Their stories are inspiring. I know your testimony and faith are as just as strong.

I'm sorry for the difficult week you and your family has experienced. I hope the love and prayers and will continue to make each day easier.

Life as a Greenstreet said...

Thank you for sharing. I have thought of you often and was truly inspired by your words in this post. We have spoken your names in our prayers and hope you continue to feel those tender mercies. God Bless all of you!

Joe and Liz said...

I'm so sorry Adrianne. My heart goes out to you and your family.

Our little family said...

I am so sorry. You have been on my mind all week. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

HeavenlyHome said...

Sweet Adrianne, Carol Richards is my visiting Teacher, and she lovingly cried with me and supported my family through the loss, burial, and the first so very difficult year. We sent our Mariah back to Jesus 20 months ago. I know your hope, and I know your pain. Please feel free to visit my blog and read about our angel baby, our healing walk, and our faith in the Lord. We have been praying for your family, and send love to each of you.

John, Mica, Jackson and Grace said...

Wow. Adrianne, I had no idea. I'm so sorry for your loss. Especially not knowing why, I can't imagine how hard that would be. You are such an amazing woman of faith and courage. Your boys will be like the stripling warriors, because of you, their mother of faith! I LOVE the rooms you decorated. I love the missionary growth idea- so cute! I am still crying for you. But I'm happy for you too! Look at what you have created on this earth- I love your boys, they are so cute! Your little red head looks so much like mine! You have so many blessings. Your precious little girl is adorable, and don't worry, you will get to see her again before you know it! I'm sure you have to remind yourself of that every day. This life really is just a spec of time in the eternities, but boy it seems forever some days I'm sure! I love you girl. You're in my prayers.