Tuesday, May 04, 2010


Yesterday I received two different bits of bad news--one life-altering and the other just deeply disappointing to me.

My dear cousin took her life and left a husband and family that dearly love her. I have felt such deep sorrow for her and her family. Every time I think about Tessa and the pain she must have been feeling and the pain her family is going through, I cry.

Later, right before bed, I received news that the agent working with my book has decided not to work with me after all. I am very disappointed, I'm not going to lie.

But, I grateful that the news came when it did because I feel there are deeper sorrows and even greater joy to be had than getting a book published.

This morning I just felt a heavy lump in my chest.

The memories of the previous day came back and I found my husband in the bathroom getting ready to go to work. He opened his arms and hugged me and told me he loved me and was sorry. I felt safe there knowing that his words are true. I have him. Forever. He is here to love me and encourage me.

I went to the kitchen to make breakfast for the boys and Eli rushed into the kitchen and lifted his leg up saying, "I have owie." As I bent down to kiss his tiny toes, I felt a rush of feeling. I will kiss his owies his entire life. I want to wrap my arms around my children and tell them they will always be mine and I will always love them and nothing they do will ever change that.

More than that, I felt the confirming influence of the Spirit warming my soul and telling me that The Savior is available, with arms outstretched to heal my heartaches and to extend his mercy to me if I accept him.

Mercy is real. God's love is real. Families are eternal. Forgiveness is available.

I want my children and family to know that I know of my Savior and his love.

My favorite quote has been running through my mind this morning:

"There is help. There is happiness. There really is light at the end of the tunnel....Even if you cannot always see that silver lining on your clouds, God can, for He is the very source of the light you seek. He does love you, and He knows your fears. He hears your prayers. He is your Heavenly Father, and surely He matches with His own the tears His children shed....Only one who has fought against those ominous waves is justified in telling us--as well as the sea--to "be still."8 Only one who has taken the full brunt of such adversity could ever be justified in telling us in such times to "be of good cheer."9 Such counsel is not a jaunty pep talk about the power of positive thinking, though positive thinking is much needed in the world. No, Christ knows better than all others that the trials of life can be very deep and we are not shallow people if we struggle with them. But even as the Lord avoids sugary rhetoric, He rebukes faithlessness and He deplores pessimism. He expects us to believe!"

An High Priest of Good Things to Come, Jeffery R. Holland


Frances said...

I love that talk. I read it after you recommended it during a tough time in my life and it brought me a lot of comfort. Thank you. I'm so sorry for you book and most especially for your family's lost. I'm so sorry Adrianne.

Jess and Jen said...

Sorry about the book Adrianne, will you try someone else? Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us! -Jen

chelsey said...

Thanks for sharing. I think you pinpointed all of our feelings well. Love you.

And so sorry about your book. :(

Debbie Barr said...

I'm so sorry for you and your family at this time, and you all will be in our thoughts. And what a great quote to share.

Joe and Liz said...

Oh no...I'm so sorry! I really loved the quote you posted. Thanks for sharing this...I'm so sorry again.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing what you have learned through this all. It is a great testimony for all of us to use during hard times. Will keep your family in our prayers during that time. What kind of book are you working on? Hope you continue to feel arms of love around you.

Life as a Greenstreet said...

That was a beautiful quote- and I'm sorry for the lump in your chest and the loss in your family. It makes me want to go hug my babies too...

Saimi said...

Your cousin must have been in alot of pain and I'm so sorry for the pain your family is going through.

There are other agents around, surely someone better will come along that will feel privileged to work with you!

Hang in there!!

Cali said...

Oh Adrianne. I wish I could just come and hug you--you'd take a hug from me, right? I'm so sorry for your loss at this time, and moved by your ability to see the love our Lord present in your home and in your life. I'm always sad when tragedies strike us, but grateful for how they open up our eyes to those tender mercies in our lives. I hope that you are doing alright, my friend.