The steady presence of God

 I haven't written on here since November so it's probably time for a little update.  My last post was a boring post about my health.  This post won't be that, though I can't promise it won't be boring.  I'll just do a quick update on that and move on.  

I mentioned that the eye doctor noticed some problems with the "flow" of fluid in my blood vessels behind my eye.  He suggested a spinal tap and sent his suggestion to the Neurologist.  At my follow up appointment with the neurologist she said that she can't give me a spinal tap because the MRI that I had recently showed that the brain stem has actually descended further and she worries that if she does a spinal tap it will release pressure and make the brain stem fall even lower.  She talked to her colleagues and they all suggested that I go to a neurosurgeon.  It's taken a full month to get all the referrals taken care of and appointments made but I have another MRI, this one called an MRV, to check the flow of the blood vessels scheduled for mid-Jan, and an appointment with the neurosurgeon the first week of Feb.  I don't have any answers or guesses as to what they will say or what the next steps will be so I'm not even going to attempt to guess.  The neurologist also suggested a second opinion for the leg discrepancy so I'll take care of that this week.  Still plenty of back and hip pain but I seem to bounce back quicker from the pain as I get stronger.  Those appointments have gone down to twice a month, which is nice not to have 2 appointments a week for physical therapy.  I haven't made any decisions about the nose job or the deviated septum because I'd like to wait and see what will happen with the neurosurgeon first.  

Eli has been working on his mission papers.  We got his new passport this week and his appointment for his teeth completed.  He had his wisdom teeth removed in Japan so we didn't have to worry about that and he finished his invisalign this week.  All done with braces for him!  I will need to get an eye appointment and a general appointment with the doctor taken care of this month.  He hopes to turn in his papers in February.  He is waiting to hear back from BYU and the U.  I'm not sure which he'll choose.  The Y is cheaper and he'll be near his brothers but the U has the degree he wants and his girlfriend is leaning towards the U.  I just want him to be open to the spirit and make the decision that he feels best about.  Of course, maybe he won't get accepted to both anyway and then that makes it an easy decision for him.  He's such a responsible, steady, good young man and I will miss him so much when he leaves.  

We dropped Will off at BYU this week.  I did mostly okay with it but admit that I started crying when we said our family prayer.  I have so much excitement for him to move onto this season of life and as a mom, I also feel worried for him and want so much to be able to keep taking care of him.  I hated leaving him alone in an empty apartment (his roommates haven't returned yet from the holidays) in a city he is unfamiliar with.  I have no doubt that he will have an incredible experience and I just need to trust him and trust God.  After dropping him off, we headed home and got as far as Price before we got a phone call from him saying that he had cut his thumb.  As soon as he showed me the finger I knew he was gonna need some stitches.  We pulled over on the side of the road before we lost reception and made a call to Tricare to figure out where he could go (they require a referral before you can go to Urgent Care).  Thankfully, there was an urgent care about a block away and he was able to walk there.  7 stitches later, he was patched up and sent home.  He spent the rest of the day unpacking, doing some meal prep, and then hanging out with some mission buddies for the evening.  It's a sad way to start college life but a good reminder to me that when unfortunate things happen, God will help him.  

Everyone else is about the same.  Olive is still cute but needs some more training in a few areas.  We had a dog in heat here for Thanksgiving and that dog was grumpy, territorial, and not feeling well.  There was a little bit of drama with her attacking Olive.  We ended up finding someone else to watch the dog for the rest of the week and Olive wasn't hurt, just spooked.  Ever since then, she seems more reactive to sounds and other dogs.  She barks a lot more now when before she didn't bark a lot at all.  So, a few things to work through with her.

Piper and Felicity are doing well for the most part.  Felicity has been going to Physical therapy to help strengthen her pelvic floor muscles and I think she needs to start going to therapy for anxiety.  She has been showing a lot of irrational fears lately and I'd love for her to have someone to talk to that can help her understand what she is feeling and give her some tools.  Piper is teaching herself Ukulele and is thrilled that she can watch PG-13 movies now.  She's been waiting to finish all the Harry Potter movies for years and finally got to watch them over the break.  We've had to remind her that just because she is 13 now and can watch a PG-13 movie, it doesn't mean that all PG-13 movies will bring her the spirit and make her feel good and we've continued to remind her when she chooses a show she wants to watch that she needs to pay close attention to how she feels and make appropriate decisions based on her feelings.   

Isaac is doing okay.  He likes his new area and companion and continues to be positive.  He's cold all the time (it's so snowy and when not snowy, rainy) and still doesn't see any progress in the typical way you'd think of missionary work but he's working hard and doing his best.

Mike has been stressed at work, for most of the time we've been back in Colorado, if I'm being honest.  The work is never completed and always waiting for him.  His hours are long and while he loves the teaching side of his job, the other parts require so much attention and time.  We were supposed to hear about our next assignment in December but they told him they won't be telling him his assignment until the end of March, beginning of April.  Our lives are just up in the air for now and we don't have any clue what next year will look like.  

Overall, we are all fine.  Being fast Sunday, I was reflecting on the last handful of months and what experiences I've had that have added to my testimony recently.  As I thought about it, I couldn't identify any experiences that stood out to me as a testimony building experience.  At first, I thought about how I believe in the importance of having continued spiritual experiences to keep us close to God and close to our testimonies and I wondered if a lack of noticeable spiritual experiences meant I wasn't doing enough to provide God with the opportunity to give them to me.  The second thought I had was simply a word "steady."  I realized immediately that the spirit was telling me that God had been a steady influence in my life this year.  I haven't gone to the temple and had a single question answered while there, but I always feel peace.  I haven't had any epiphanies or ah ha moments while reading my scriptures, but I always feel good during and after.  I haven't had any impactful experience to point to at all this year, but what I do feel is that God has steadily been a part of all of it.  He hasn't solved any of my problems or given me any clear answers to anything, he's just steadily been with me as I live my life.  I think that is what I've needed from God this year. Being a steady influence in my life makes me feel safe and peaceful and calm.  He has shown up exactly as the kind of God I've needed.  

So, in general, life is good.  We are quietly blessed.  Life moves on in steady and mostly undramatic ways.