The funeral

I went to the funeral on Saturday.  My Japanese friends told me that it was rude to wear anything other than black.  I have no black dressy clothes and only had this dark navy blue dress with white trim on it.  I was able to borrow a black dress from a woman in the ward but still had to find closed toed black shoes and black tights.  I went to all the suggested stores and after about five stores, I finally found some plain black shoes in my size at the last store.  I bought some tights from 7/11 which were too small but I squeezed my body into the bitty tights.  

I also had to buy a special envelope from 7/11 for Buddhist funerals.  They use different envelopes for Buddhist and Shinto ceremonies so Mike and I pulled out google translate to make sure we were buying the right envelope.  You insert a certain amount of money depending on your relationship with the family.  It can't be anything starting with the number 4 because the word for death is the same as the number 4 and that is bad luck.  You also can't give new bills or it indicates that you predicted the death and knew about it ahead of time.  The envelope should be addressed in Katakana so Mike and I used chatGTP to help us know how to write my name and the amount of money in the right Katakana. 

I arrived at the funeral home and was directed to a table with a card to fill out.  It was all in Japanese and as I fumbled with google translate, a kind Japanese man came to my side and asked if he could help me.  He showed me what to fill out and then said he'd translate it into Katakana for me.  He also told me that at this funeral they were not accepting money. 

Once in the main room I was directed to one side of the room (friends on one side, family on the other) and then watched and waited until the row I was standing in was directed to the front.  At the very front of the room sat a buddhist monk with his back towards us, facing the coffin.  He was chanting and banging a drum for the entire ceremony.  My row walked to the front, bowed to the coffin then turned to the family side and bowed, followed by a bow to the friend side, and then another bow to the coffin.  Then we each took some incense from a container and brought it to our foreheads and dropped the incense in another container.  We did that three times and then repeated all the bowing before leaving the room.  

Fumika broke from the line of family standing at the front and gave me a hug and thanked me for coming.  

It was all very somber, with very little emotion shown.  There were a few people crying quietly but mostly everyone was very stiff.  I had a hard time not tearing up when I saw Reo at the front and Fumika bending down to talk to him.  

I had planned on attending the second day as well but two of my Japanese friends told me that she probably invited me to the second day out of kindness but it is usually reserved for family only.  They repeat the same ceremony as the Saturday ceremony and then all go to the crematory and after the body is cremated they pair up with another person and each take chopsticks and lift the bones out of the ashes and place them in an urn.  

I hate death.