Graves Disease

I guess it's safe to say that my 365 project has ended.  I took a picture every day (minus 4) until about the beginning of October at which point the headaches and life kind of took over.  Hopefully I can start to feel more interested in taking photos again.  I'm really proud of myself for making it as far as I did and I had every intention of finishing but sometimes other things take precedence.  

I went to the endocrinologist the first week of October and was diagnosed with Graves Disease.  The doctor is not convinced that the headaches are related but I am hoping she is wrong.  I am currently on medicine for the headaches (that also help the high blood pressure) as well as for Grave's disease.  I had a follow-up with my Primary Care Physician for the headaches and she is ordering an MRI just to make sure that the headaches are not something more.  The next step would be to send me to a neurologist, but I'd rather just be patient and wait to see if when my thyroid is settled, the headaches go away.  The headaches were so, so bad.  I honestly could not see how I could continue the way things were.  I am not trying to be dramatic, but it was a pretty bleak looking future if they continued.  They continued on into our trip to Florida.  For two months I had a daily pain level of an 8-10 and I can honestly say that God helped me live my life the best I could.  I know that there is no other way I was able to manage meals and school and everything else.  The headaches started getting better on Monday.  They are still there but are so, so much better.  I can't even communicate how grateful I feel.  I can't put into words how much lighter life feels now.  The medicine is helping take the pain away and I feel grateful for modern medicine.  

I had my initial blood test the end of July and by October things got really bad.  My head hurt so bad that I stopped running and exercising completely.  My resting heart rate was 114 (normally around 55-60) and my blood pressure was really high (I generally have a very low blood pressure).  My eyes started to feel really dry (but I just had lasik not quite a year ago so I assumed the dry eyes were related to that).  I started to get really hot all the time and forget things (I thought I turned the van off and went inside but left it on).  I also started losing weight rapidly and that is not an Adrianne gift.  It took me 10 months of working out at least 1 1/2 hours a day for six days a week as well as eating well to lose 18 lbs and in one month I've lost 10 lbs.  My throat got more hoarse and my body began to shake--my hands and legs.  There were a few other symptoms as well.  I did feel down because the headaches caused so much pain but I didn't really experience mood changes or irritability, which I appreciate.  When I finally got in to see the endocrinologist and she told me I had Graves disease, I wasn't surprised because all the symptoms were pointing in that direction.  I am disappointed and not sure what the future will look like.  Now that the headaches have lessened, I feel like things will be fine and I feel like I can just take whatever happens.  The day after the diagnosis I cried off and on but now, I just, feel like it is what it is and I will just accept it.  I felt disappointed that it affected our Florida trip.  I felt discouraged when I lifted weights for the first time after two months and the ten pound weights felt too heavy for me (I was lifting more than that before).  I felt sad when I went for a walk and had to slow down because my heart rate was so fast.  I feel uncertainty about how I will deal with my emotions if/when the weight all comes back on.  I feel scared that the doctor is right and the headaches are not related.  

So, I guess I feel a lot of things and some that I am not writing on here because I don't want to worry about things that might not happen, even if chances are high that they could.  I just want to take it as it comes and not clog my brain with what ifs.  So, man, the last two months have been a lot.  

The last thing I want to say is how much I love this body.  I am not sure I would be handling a diagnosis of Graves a few years ago very well.  I have worked a lot on body love and trying to look at my health in a holistic way (mindfulness, eating healthier, stretching, etc) and I feel really good about where I am and I feel a friendship and trust in my body.  I don't feel like my body has betrayed me.  I feel a protectiveness and concern for it.  The other night I put ear plugs in my ears (Mike snores) and I could hear the rapid beating of my heart and I know this probably sounds weird but while I listened to my heart I just felt so much love for my body.  In my mind I said to my heart, "It's okay little one.  Thank you for working so hard for me.  I am sorry for the added burden you have now."  It felt like I was talking to a friend and I feel really good about that.