My 30's

I wrote a post a month ago talking about some of my feelings and some of the struggles I've been experiencing.  Yesterday I bore my testimony at church and touched on some of that as well.  It was embarrassing for me.  The truth is, sometimes I have thoughts that are just thoughts and don't realize that there is so much emotion behind them until I say them out loud and by then it's too late to take it back.  Haha.

Anyway, I've been thinking so much about this subject over the last year, and especially the last few months and I realize that part of the truth of our experiences is actually about the perspective we have of them--our reality of that experience can change depending on the meaning we give them, or the perspective we choose to have of that experience.  I hope that makes sense.

So, yes, it's been a hard 8+ years for me.  I think I actually should honor that truth.  I think I really should admit that a lot has happened to bring me to this place of my life and some of that I've dealt with in a courageous and hopeful way as well as dealt with it in a way that has caused me to feel depressed.

That said, I also really believe that Satan likes me feeling down and if he can keep me reviewing the last decade in a way that focuses on how hard the last decade has been, he can hinder my progress.

So, today, I also want to honor the truth of what I've become and what I've gained.  I started my 30's with 30 manageable goals that I put so much thought and prayer into and I believe that showed God that I was open to growth and therefore, He has given me these experiences to GROW me in ways I never expected.

This is the decade He blessed me with my three beautiful girls.  My experiences getting them here are sacred to me.

This is the decade that my boys and I grew together through the loss of Laila.  They were so, so hard for me as littles and it's been this decade that they have grown into incredible young men who are my friends and my joy.

This decade has brought me a closeness to Heaven that I never felt before.  It's showed me that angels are real and near and ready to help.

This is the decade I have grown through discovering new talents and hobbies.  We started a business!  I never would have expected to try that adventure.  Now, I love to practice photography, something I've always loved but never actually did much with.

This is the decade I have traveled so much of the country, seeing new things, living in new places, discovering my love for this beautiful country.

This is the decade where I have made some of my deepest friendships with people who have seen me struggle and loved me through it.

This is the decade my love for my Heavenly Father and Savior had deepened.  My relationship with them is stronger as I've had to rely on them for understanding and support.  My gratitude for the Atonement has increased in a deep, beautiful way.

This is the decade where my love and appreciation for my body has been tested and deepened.  God gave me this body for a reason!  This body has gotten me through incredible amounts of stress and hardship.  It's healed itself time and again.  It's gotten me out of bed.  It's kept my head high and physically helped me carry my burdens.

This is the decade where I had the courage to start homeschooling!  It has been a positive change in so many ways for our family.

This is the decade where my relationship with Mike has confirmed for me that having him by my side has been one of my greatest blessings.  We've learned to trust one another and be united in guiding this family and my appreciation for him grows daily.

This is the decade that has taught me that you can feel both sorrow and joy simultaneously and that both feelings are essential and important to this life experience.

I could go on and on but I think this is sufficient.  This decade isn't over yet but I think maybe it actually is the best (almost) decade of my life so far.