Laila's birthday

It's the end of July and I'm just getting around to updating the blog from May.  The kids and I share the same computer so it's hard for me to find time when they are not using this computer to sit and write.  I do have a laptop but all my pictures are on this computer and therefore I have to fight for my time (which of course isn't really true because I can kick them off when I want since I am the mom and boss).  

Laila's birthday was pretty horrible this year.  Each year affects me differently and I thought I would be okay since it was her seventh birthday but I had some other things really weighing on my mind leading up to her birthday so emotionally I was not in a great place and I really do believe that our bodies and our minds are so connected.  I woke up so sick, like, sicker than I've been in a long time and the moment my eyes opened, I started crying.  

Piper had school that day so I got up and got her ready for school.  The boys had art/P.E at the community center so after dropping all the kids off, Felicity and I headed to the wetlands.  I just really wanted to be away from people in a peaceful setting.  Just as we were driving into the gates I saw this huge sprinkler in the field next to the wetlands and the sun reflected off the water making the most magical rainbow.  

Felicity and I walked around for a bit and then I let her sit on my lap and help me drive (you can't go faster than 10 miles an hour).  After quite awhile, she was starting to get upset so I pulled over next to a bench and we just sat for a few minutes.  An older gentleman walked up with an mp3 player playing music.  He asked if he could sit by us and catch his breath.  He turned his music off and he told me he comes every morning to walk the wetlands.  Somehow one thing led to another and he revealed that he comes because it was his wife's favorite place to walk and that day, May 2nd, marked 18 months since she passed away.  He listens to her favorite playlist while he walks and looks for signs in the clouds from his wife.  Sometimes he sees clouds in the shape of her favorite puppy.

I thought it was interesting and ironic that one of the only other people at the wetlands was this man who was grieving the death of his wife, looking for signs from her.  He wasn't very far into his journey but it was interesting to talk to him and hear how similar grief is for people. 

I honestly can't remember much more about the day besides the fact that I felt so miserable and cried multiple times.  I did write about it in my journal though.