Testimony Meeting Gone Sour
I've had a lot on my mind lately. This past month was kind of the pits in a lot of ways. So many things happened to make my heart hurt. Poor Mike has been forced to be my counselor and I appreciate his listening ear even though there isn't really a clear solution to any of my worries.
Anyway, what I wanted to write about was actually about our testimony meeting on Sunday. It started out well. I was happy to see many of the Young Men in the ward head to the stand right away. Their testimonies weren't eloquent and some of them cried, feeling real emotion. I was proud of them for being brave and sharing what was in their heart. Bearing their testimonies helped other boys to feel encouraged to do the same and before the meeting was over, most of the Young Men had borne their testimonies.
The meeting was kind of soured for me as the meeting went on however. After a handful of Young Men bore testimonies, adults followed and most, if not all, centered their own testimonies on how proud they were of the Young Men for bearing their testimonies. One girl started crying and said, "They do so much for us that goes unnoticed, like taking out the trash each week." Anyway, it turned into a meeting of praise for the Young Men and less of what the purpose of testimonies are for--testifying of doctrine and truths that you know and believe. All of that was kind of weird for me, but not a big deal.
What followed that meeting though, is what is bothersome to me. Will sat by the bishopric on Sunday. He was one of the few Young Men not to bear his testimony (one by didn't come to Sacrament and the other is extremely shy and doesn't talk to people) and since he sat at the front of the room, everyone noticed. In Sunday School, the teacher began the class asking for all the Young Men who bore their testimonies to raise their hands, and of course, Will didn't raise his hand. Two boys turned around and said, "Will..." in an accusatory way. He felt embarrassed and explained that he shared his testimony last month. One of the boys who turned around and singled Will out, made the point that, "Well, this makes 15 times in a row for me of bearing my testimony," as though that suddenly makes him more righteous or have a stronger testimony or something.
The class went on and Will just brushed it off until after class when an older gentleman approached Will and said, "I noticed you didn't bear your testimony with the other Young Men. I'll expect you to bear it next month, young Man." Excuse me? I told Will I am glad he is a respectful young man but part of me wishes that he would have told the man to back off and Mike added that it would have been funny for Will to say, "I didn't realize you were the Spirit."
This kind of behavior is so inappropriate. I don't have a problem with someone sitting in the pew, nervous but wanting to bear their testimony, only to gain courage by seeing their friends be brave enough to stand and share their own. Instead, that "influence" turned into pressure. Will felt embarrassed and pressured. He felt pressure from his friends, his teacher, and some random old dude he didn't know, making him feel bad for not following the crowd. He felt pressure when one of the adults talked in their testimonies about how all the Young Women were seeing these boys differently and more positively now.
What makes me proud is that even though he knew everyone in the congregation could see that he was not getting up, and even though he knew all his friends were getting up, he didn't "follow the crowd" just to follow the crowd. We had a good conversation on Sunday about doing things for a genuine reason (not so that you could gloat that you had gotten up 15 times in a row, for instance). We talked about testimonies and how personal they are and how they come at different times for people. We talked about how it made Will feel and I hope what he came away with from this experience is to be mindful of those people around him. The culture of the church doesn't equal the doctrine of the church. It's a good thing to testify of what you know. It's a good thing to let your light shine and in doing so, help others to follow your example. It's not a good thing to make someone feel shamed for not being the same. If Will were not a more confident kid, Sunday could have damaged him. It could have turned him off from ever wanting to share his testimony. We don't all have to be the same. Our testimonies don't have to be the same. We don't have to blindly follow the crowd and do something just because everyone else is doing it.
In some ways, I'm glad this happened so we could have this discussion with Will and the other kids. I want my kids to have strong testimonies and I want them to feel comfortable sharing those testimonies but more than that, I want them to live what they know. I also want them to feel comfortable being quiet. I want them to pray and ponder and ask and wait patiently for the answers and to feel like there is a safe place for them in the church if they don't know.
Anyway, what I wanted to write about was actually about our testimony meeting on Sunday. It started out well. I was happy to see many of the Young Men in the ward head to the stand right away. Their testimonies weren't eloquent and some of them cried, feeling real emotion. I was proud of them for being brave and sharing what was in their heart. Bearing their testimonies helped other boys to feel encouraged to do the same and before the meeting was over, most of the Young Men had borne their testimonies.
The meeting was kind of soured for me as the meeting went on however. After a handful of Young Men bore testimonies, adults followed and most, if not all, centered their own testimonies on how proud they were of the Young Men for bearing their testimonies. One girl started crying and said, "They do so much for us that goes unnoticed, like taking out the trash each week." Anyway, it turned into a meeting of praise for the Young Men and less of what the purpose of testimonies are for--testifying of doctrine and truths that you know and believe. All of that was kind of weird for me, but not a big deal.
What followed that meeting though, is what is bothersome to me. Will sat by the bishopric on Sunday. He was one of the few Young Men not to bear his testimony (one by didn't come to Sacrament and the other is extremely shy and doesn't talk to people) and since he sat at the front of the room, everyone noticed. In Sunday School, the teacher began the class asking for all the Young Men who bore their testimonies to raise their hands, and of course, Will didn't raise his hand. Two boys turned around and said, "Will..." in an accusatory way. He felt embarrassed and explained that he shared his testimony last month. One of the boys who turned around and singled Will out, made the point that, "Well, this makes 15 times in a row for me of bearing my testimony," as though that suddenly makes him more righteous or have a stronger testimony or something.
The class went on and Will just brushed it off until after class when an older gentleman approached Will and said, "I noticed you didn't bear your testimony with the other Young Men. I'll expect you to bear it next month, young Man." Excuse me? I told Will I am glad he is a respectful young man but part of me wishes that he would have told the man to back off and Mike added that it would have been funny for Will to say, "I didn't realize you were the Spirit."
This kind of behavior is so inappropriate. I don't have a problem with someone sitting in the pew, nervous but wanting to bear their testimony, only to gain courage by seeing their friends be brave enough to stand and share their own. Instead, that "influence" turned into pressure. Will felt embarrassed and pressured. He felt pressure from his friends, his teacher, and some random old dude he didn't know, making him feel bad for not following the crowd. He felt pressure when one of the adults talked in their testimonies about how all the Young Women were seeing these boys differently and more positively now.
What makes me proud is that even though he knew everyone in the congregation could see that he was not getting up, and even though he knew all his friends were getting up, he didn't "follow the crowd" just to follow the crowd. We had a good conversation on Sunday about doing things for a genuine reason (not so that you could gloat that you had gotten up 15 times in a row, for instance). We talked about testimonies and how personal they are and how they come at different times for people. We talked about how it made Will feel and I hope what he came away with from this experience is to be mindful of those people around him. The culture of the church doesn't equal the doctrine of the church. It's a good thing to testify of what you know. It's a good thing to let your light shine and in doing so, help others to follow your example. It's not a good thing to make someone feel shamed for not being the same. If Will were not a more confident kid, Sunday could have damaged him. It could have turned him off from ever wanting to share his testimony. We don't all have to be the same. Our testimonies don't have to be the same. We don't have to blindly follow the crowd and do something just because everyone else is doing it.
In some ways, I'm glad this happened so we could have this discussion with Will and the other kids. I want my kids to have strong testimonies and I want them to feel comfortable sharing those testimonies but more than that, I want them to live what they know. I also want them to feel comfortable being quiet. I want them to pray and ponder and ask and wait patiently for the answers and to feel like there is a safe place for them in the church if they don't know.
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