Thursday, November 19, 2015

Trying to focus my thoughts

I have very limited time right now which means that I have to write fast!

My head has been pounding for over two weeks now.  Dizzy, pounding, horrible.

This happens to me after I have babies but this time there is no baby, just the crappy after effects.  So the head pounds and with that comes feelings of depression. I read this talk recently that said that postpartum depression was the thief of motherhood.  Sounds about right for me.

Anyway, I've tried a few different things and the headache hasn't really let up.  Yoga helped for a few hours.  Peppermint oil helped for a couple of seconds.  Mike's neck and head massage made the pounding a dull throb for a bit.  The caffeine and Tylenol were about the same.  I finally made an appointment with the doctor and bought a pack of Dr. Pepper but today my headache has been very gentle.  Go figure.  Hopefully it won't get worse again and will just get better and better.

I guess I mention the headache because I've had a poopy attitude lately about a couple of things.  I feel so overloaded with things right now and I am trying to manage so many things all at one time.  I have been trying to remind myself to focus on the most important things and let the others go.  For me, homeschooling, a miscarriage (and depression following), and trying to help Mike run a business during the holiday season is a lot.  On top of that, Mike got called to the bishopric again for the third time.  It's all a little too much for me.  I try to manage the house, get boys to basketball practices three times a week, do my visiting teaching, exercise daily, shower, get my scriptures read, etc. etc.  Like everyone else, my life is full and I am struggling to figure out what are the best things for me to do.

I could write a lot about how I dislike this calling or how unfair it seems to add more to my plate right now or how this couldn't come at a worse time for me.  Blah, blah, blah.  I won't write all of that because I'm trying to focus on what I have, not what I lack.  So, I mention the headaches but mostly the relief of headache today.  The first two times we had this calling I had a hard time noticing when the Lord was helping me manage life while Mike was gone.  Today He helped by making my head only throb slightly.  He helped me get a lot done today, more than I should have been able to get done.  He helped me last week by having Mike's class get finished early so that he was able to be home for 45 minutes before he had to leave again for fellowshipping visits.  He's helping me to sand products in half the time some days.  Sometimes I almost miss noticing the ways he is helping but I'm trying to focus on them.

One thing I remember from the other two times he was in this calling was looking back and wondering how we ever managed it.  There was a lot to manage then too and somehow we did it.  So here is my attempt to remind myself that we will somehow manage all of this too.

1 comment:

blondeviolin said...

Empathizing over here. I wonder how it is that my husband's calling can feel so hard?! By the time he's coming home, he often feels spiritually uplifted and I feel bedraggled!