Friday, January 17, 2014

Introspection and why do all the messages have to be so cryptic?

It's been an interesting week with a lot of introspection and ups and downs.  Nothing bad really, just thinking about life in general and about my life and where it is going and how to get from point A to point B.  Mike and I went to the temple on Saturday.  Our lives have been pretty back and forth the last few months and recently have had some more back and forth news.  It seems like when we begin down a path that we feel is the right one, something happens to remind us that we really don't know anything and that we are not in control of our lives and that our goal should just to do our best to roll with it and let God take us where we need to be.

This week I also just feel like being a mom is hard.  It's just hard to identify what each child needs and then to know how to provide those things for them is just difficult.  Sometimes I just wish I had a magic ball I could peer into that could give me a small glimpse of their future lives and that I could just see that all is well--that they are happy, healthy, and successful.  I imagine if I could just get the smallest glimpse of their happy future selves I would feel ok about my lack of direction about how to help them with certain things.

Also, I am reminded that my body physically cannot do what I think it should.  I forget quite frequently that I have a knee that doesn't work properly.  Where I am now compared to a few months ago is pretty wonderful.  And I trick myself into thinking that I will be back to where I was before the accident and running in no time and then I push myself too far and have a sad reminder that no, really, I won't be back to running.  I am discovering that I really cannot do any exercise for longer than 30 minutes before I am done in and hobbling around with ice strapped to my knee.  It's discouraging and I'm just still trying to change my perspective about my body and about my limitations.  I went to the doctor a few months ago and had a general checkup done and had a bunch of labs done and all the results show that I am a very healthy person.  Even though I often wish that the way I look on the outside reflected what those labs show, I know I am healthy and I feel healthy and that is what matters.

This life really is about progression and learning to discern the path and plan that is laid out for you.  I just hope I'm open enough to recognize when I need to change my perspective so I can better see the path intended for me personally.

Anyway, enough of all this serious talk.  It's Friday which means finishing up Anne of Green Gables with Mike tonight.  Will has an exciting day at school where he gets to spend the entire day doing activities that have to do with Roman's.  Eli got to have show and share day at school and carted his gigantic dragon Draco that he got from Santa and as far as I know, Isaac's day is just a normal Friday, but should be a good one.  And Piper is currently sneaking snacks from the Pantry so I better get off of this computer and get busy with my day.

Will dressed up as a Roman soldier

The finished frames.  I tried a mixture of grey and white but the white just distracted from the grey so I went back to all white.  


Jess Clark said...

Remember when people used to blog and comment on blogs? People have largely left the blogosphere and gone on to micro-blogging (e.g., Facebook, Twitter, Instagram). I for one am glad there's a few stalwarts still out there writing, such as you!

There was a good Mormon Message made about discerning paths; it was created off a message from Elder Holland. You've probably seen it. Regardless, it was a lesson on how our paths get illuminated at times -- often in ways different than what we expect.

Mike and Adrianne said...

It's interesting that you mention that Mormon Messages from Elder Holland. We just watched that video for Family Home Evening last Monday. None of us had seen it before and afterwards Mike and I both felt perhaps we were supposed to watch it. We had a good discussion about the impressions we've had and possible reasons they seem not to be right. Mostly, I just feel like if we keep trying to follow the impressions and keep our minds and hearts open, eventually we will be on the right path and be satisfied with where we are going.