A tender mercy
The other day I was telling Mike how I wish I knew what Laila was doing every day. I recently finished this fantastic book called Life Everlasting that gives me a better idea of what Laila's existence is like currently. And I know it is a happy and busy one. But I wish I just had a little glance into her daily activities, the people she associates with, and what she looks like. Those types of things. I was telling Mike that when I drop the boys off at school I watch them walk into school and know they are happy and busy with friends and learning and then I go home and do my daily tasks. But throughout the day I find myself thinking, "They should be eating lunch now. I hope they are sitting by a nice friend and reading the note I left in their lunch box." or when I know they have a test they are worried about I find myself praying for them that they will be confident and do their best. Even though I am busy and have my own things to do and I know my family is all happy and busy, I still find my mind wonder to them throughout the day, hoping all is well, wondering if they are making good choices.
With Laila it's very different. I find my mind wonder to her often as well except that praying for her is silly--she is the one probably praying for me. I try to think about her the way I do her brothers and her dad, but I can't. With her brothers, even though they are gone for the majority of the day, when I pick them up from school they spend the drive home and then again at dinner time telling us about their particular activities during the day, allowing me some insight into what their next day will be like.
I told Mike that it's frustrating to feel so disconnected to one of your children. I told him I wish I at least felt her presence so I could know that she near. But usually, there is just nothing but my faith to remind me that she is in fact happy and busy and near.
A few days after that conversation I experienced a tender mercy that allowed me to see that Laila is in fact very close. It was a sweet experience and reminded me that Heavenly Father is always aware of my needs and answers my prayers in such personal ways. It also reminded me that if we want these experiences our minds have to be open to those promptings that we feel throughout the day. It was such a quiet prompting and had I not followed the directions given I would have missed the chance to have this experience.
With Laila it's very different. I find my mind wonder to her often as well except that praying for her is silly--she is the one probably praying for me. I try to think about her the way I do her brothers and her dad, but I can't. With her brothers, even though they are gone for the majority of the day, when I pick them up from school they spend the drive home and then again at dinner time telling us about their particular activities during the day, allowing me some insight into what their next day will be like.
I told Mike that it's frustrating to feel so disconnected to one of your children. I told him I wish I at least felt her presence so I could know that she near. But usually, there is just nothing but my faith to remind me that she is in fact happy and busy and near.
A few days after that conversation I experienced a tender mercy that allowed me to see that Laila is in fact very close. It was a sweet experience and reminded me that Heavenly Father is always aware of my needs and answers my prayers in such personal ways. It also reminded me that if we want these experiences our minds have to be open to those promptings that we feel throughout the day. It was such a quiet prompting and had I not followed the directions given I would have missed the chance to have this experience.
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