Tuesday, June 05, 2012

Seeing Clearly

Last summer I had a conversation with a friend that ended with my heart feeling wounded.  I should say that this friend is a good, wonderful person.  She has a beautiful heart, and I am positive she didn’t enjoy hurting me.  And yet, it happened.   After hanging up the phone, I cried for days.  I was so embarrassed.  I had no idea she thought those things about me.  I heard her words and I wondered if all my friends saw me that way—if God saw me that way.  I had no idea that particular aspects of my personality had affected our relationship the way they had.  I honestly felt misunderstood.  I had been working so hard on improving those very attributes that interfered with our relationship, and I thought I had improved… It was devastating to me. 

While what she said was true for her, to me, much of it came across as exaggeration.  The essence of her statements was correct, however.  Even with the elements of truth in her words, I was still terribly hurt.  I said many prayers asking for the Lord to help me forgive her.  I also prayed and asked the Lord to help me see myself more clearly so I could change those things that He thought I should change. 

A few weeks later, I found myself trying to get my baby to sleep.  She was having a hard night, fighting sleep. I fed her and then held her as the two of us went outside.  My baby rested her head on my shoulder as I walked down the street, looking up at the stars. I was amazed.  It was as if I was seeing the stars for the first time.  Our family had recently moved from Ohio to Colorado.  Colorado is blessed with clear, sunny days.  Ohio is not. Most days in Ohio are cloudy and gloomy. I realized it had been a long time since I’d seen the stars so clearly–that the clouds and haze of the Ohio sky had hidden them from my view.  The stars hadn’t changed at all, but now the clouds were gone and I saw things just as they were intended to be seen.

In that moment God answered my prayers.  I realized that God didn’t view me through clouds.  He saw me clearly–as I was and how I could become.  I felt peace and comfort as I realized that he not only saw me this way, but he saw my friend this way, also.  I realized that, if I listened to Him, when it was time, He would gently and lovingly point out changes I needed to make without wounding me.  I knew that with His help, I could overcome my faults and become something better—just what he intended me to be

As I walked back home with my baby in my arms I felt my wounded heart healing. I had a new, clear vision of how Heavenly Father views each of us.

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