A different plan

My sister wrote about a miraculous experience they had in her family recently. Her husband felt a prompting to check on his daughter in bed. Because of his obedience to the prompting, just a thought really, he was able to save his daughter from chocking to death.

I felt a mixture of emotions as I read about the experience. I am grateful, so very grateful that my sister doesn't have to experience the pain of losing a precious daughter--one that is loved, hoped for, and treasured. I am also grateful that my brother-in-law is living his life in such a way that he not only felt the prompting, but acted upon it. I am grateful our sweet Eva is still here to sing her beautiful little songs to the world.

I also can't help feeling sad. I don't write this to make my sister feel bad for posting her experience. In fact, I'm so glad she did so that we can all rejoice with her in the safety of her daughter. I obviously do not wish for a different outcome for her family. Never would I wish that.

Only, I've asked myself a million times, why did I not receive a prompting that Laila was dying and that she needed me to come and get her? Instead, I stood in the kitchen, laughing with my brother Jess and his wife. The boys ran around the house, joyfully playing with their cousins. In a horrible turn of irony Mike said, "My life was handed me on a golden platter. Nothing really bad has ever happen to me. I've never lost anyone close to me to death." At the same time my daughter's spirit left her body, while we stood downstairs unaware, talking about our easy lives.

It isn't entirely true either that I felt no promptings. I did think to have Laila checked on more frequently than normal. She slept about two hours and in those two hours three individuals checked on her. Each time they found a peaceful, sleeping, breathing Laila. It wasn't until the fourth, Mike, found her already dead.

I've asked, "Why did I feel to check on her so frequently, but not at the necessary moment when Laila most needed me?" Mike in his wisdom has given an answer, one that I feel is right. He said, "Perhaps you were prompted to check on her so often so that when she died, and these feelings creeped into your heart, you would know you did everything in your power. You DID check on her and frequently. You did all you could have done." and then, "There were four worthy individuals in our home capable to receive a prompting that something was wrong but none of us felt anything."

I know he is right. As he spoke, I felt the spirit confirm his words. But I still wish for something else.

I often imagine the scene in our home that day. Laila sleeping, the boys playing with their cousins, the adults laughing, cleaning up dinner. And then, unseen spirits all around us, waiting for the moment they know they will be needed. I imagine them wishing to whisper in my ear, "Go get her," but they will themselves to stand silent, knowing that prompting us would impede the plan of our Heavenly Father for our family. I don't imagine he found joy in knowing the pain that was about to come to us. But, knowing this was essential, the prompting was withheld. I imagine they waited with heavy hearts, ready to greet Laila, and ready to surround each of us with the love and comfort we would need.

Even though I know the plan for my family is different than that of my sister's, I still wish for a different outcome. I still wish I had known Laila was dying or that even if I wasn't allowed to stop her death, that I would have been allowed to be there for her as she took her last breath. Instead, I stood at the sink thinking all was well.

To add more irony, the day was the 24th of July, Pioneer day. I can't help but hear the song, Come, Come, Ye Saints and the specific lyrics, "And if we die, before our journey's through, Happy Day! All is well."

Laila's journey was done and I hope one day to say the same, "Happy Day! All is well."