Wednesday, November 30, 2011

What if's according to Eli

I haven't decided yet what to do with this blog. I am thinking hard about it. I think if I sum up the biggest problem for me it is that I need real interaction right now and I'm not sure writing on the blog solves that for me. But, if I decide that is not what my blog is for to begin with, then I guess part of the problem will be solved.

Anyway, in the meantime, I've been thinking about something else: Eli (also known as Mr. Eli. Eli-Shmeeli, Nija the Ninja, Rotten-head, E, Silly head)

I get to spend time with just Eli in the mornings when his brothers go to school so I get to have some pretty interesting conversations with him. For a long time everything that came out of his mouth started with, "What if..." I started writing them down so I could remember all the silly, silly things he says. If you know Eli then you know that he sometimes has a bit of a temper. He dreams and talks of hurting bad guys all the time and he used to say things to me in his anger like, "I wish I was a super hero so I could crush you." Thankfully, those comments are coming a little less frequently, but still, he dreams of saving the world and some of his conversations have some gruesome thoughts. Half the time his comments make no sense whatsoever. Usually, they are followed by, "Would that be silly?" or by hysterical laughter because he cracks himself up--and really, the kid is pretty funny a lot of the time.

Here is a sampling of his What if's:

What if these boy toys went into the computer and the girls said, “Help us.” And they said, “Help us what? Help us What?”

What if this stroller had hundreds of strollers on it? Would that be cool?

What if all the bugs and all the germs and all the yucky mosquito's in the world jumped in me and none on Will and Isaac and then I killed them all? I like to kill bad things.

What if everyone in the world was Hulk?

What is we drove so fast we drove over a car?

What if I crashed myself?

What if you were still at home and hundreds of bad guys were at Isaac’s school?

Eli: What if you ate an eye and it was good? Me: Gross, bud! Eli: But I put lemon on it.

What if I was a picture and I glued you?

What if there was a monkey in my ear?

What if pretzels talked and walked?

What if you had a Ghost--not a real Ghost, a nice Ghost? (I can't remember if it was Isaac of Eli that said this next but one of them added, "Did you know the Holy Ghost is nice?")

What if we had three of everything in our backyard?

What if I had cheese and ketchup and mustard on my plate and mixed my corndog in it? Would that be yummy?

What if every cup was black and every plate was black and every fork was black?

What if a bad bat didn't suck anyone's blood and turned into a fruit bat?

What if you had a horsey in your pants?

What if there were two super babies?

What if an animal stole my milk?

What if I was a bad superdog and I ate everybody?

What if I was a great big spider and I ate your head off?

What if I picked up a spider when it was still alive and it didn't bite me?

What if you had a muffin for your head and you ate your muffin with your head?

What if you were a tootsie roll that said, "Banana Pants?"

So, now you have a little idea of what Eli thinks about. It's so fun to have him as my son. He makes me laugh on a daily basis. Sometimes I feel like his sister must talk to him and tell him his momma needs hims upstairs because often I will be in the shower crying, praying that I can be happier during the rest of the day and when I get out, there is Eli hiding under my covers laughing because he thinks I can't see the huge lump his body makes under the blankets. Then he pops out and does some silly dance or says some super silly comment and then I can't help but laugh and be grateful that I still have three wonderful little boys right here to take care of every day. This boy isn't an easy kid. Every thing he does comes in big doses. He is the happiest, the maddest, the most defiant, the funniest, of my children. His fists shake at me daily but his giggles are infectious (and there are a lot of them). I wish everyone could have a dose of Eli because then they'd all be grateful for their own kind, calm kiddos while feeling jealous that he gets to live in my house and not theirs. I love him and pretty much everyone that knows him, loves him too.

P.S. The boys have been doing fun things lately. You can see two of their crafts and some super cool robots here, here, and here. The robots are especially cool so go check it out.


Mommo said...

What if you had a horsey in your pants? That is hillarious. What a wonderful idea to write all his "What if's" down. They are awesome. I can't believe how the child's mind works. He sure is a funny kid. We miss his silliness!

lrbodine said...

He's so cute! We should get together sometime this month and do some indoor project with the boys - or maybe go and play at Focus on the Family together. (I hear you on the blog not getting interaction - I went private with mine and am lucky to get maybe one comment on a post).

Jed and Kera said...

What if pretzels talked and walked?, yep this one is my favorite. :O) The eyeball one was good too. Isn't it a good thing when we are given those tender mercies to help us through our days. Sometimes I feel like Dalton is whispered to by someone in Heaven and told to give me a hug or be silly or something. I'm sure Laila is whispering to all the boys. :O) Love you.

The Duke said...

Oh thank you, thank you!! Keep the collection going because this kid has one of the most fantastic imaginations I've ever heard or seen. I couldn't believe how many of those "what ifs" I heard when I was out there. So darn funny!!
Thank you for the belly laugh. I needed one today.

Frances said...

Oh my gosh, those things are hilarious! The pretzel made me laugh too. Where do these kids come up with these things?!! What a fun boy.

Jenny said...

hahaha Eli just has to live up to the color of is hair! We miss you and your fun silly boys!

Jess and Jason said...

Austin still talks in "what ifs"

I love that you wrote all of those down!