Saturday, October 08, 2011

The change of seasons

When Laila passed away I felt an overwhelming peace and love from Heavenly Father. It is what helped me through that first week. It is what has helped me through the past two months, which have been horrible, by the way. Now, it seems like the challenge is to hold onto that peace and love I felt previously. The feelings come and go, sometimes hopeful, sometimes fearful and sad. It is hard to keep my mind focused on what I know, but it is the only thing that keeps me going forward.

Fall is here and I usually love fall. This year I have been dragging my feet about bringing out the decorations. The change of seasons means life is moving on without my Laila, making it harder to enjoy.

But today I felt happy.

Mike and I went to the temple this morning and I was so excited to go. Mike promised me in a blessing after Laila passed away that I'd feel her close to me as I went to the temple. The temple has been closed since the week after Laila died so I've been anxious to get back. While we sat together in the temple we looked at each other and smiled and realized things were going to be ok. We were going to be ok.

We came home and the boys were so excited to show us the snow fort they made with the babysitter (it snowed today). We had pumpkin pancakes for dinner and read scriptures by the fireplace. We listened to my new CD and my locket for Laila's hair came in the mail finally. Then we put together our milk carton jack-O-lanterns and the boys cheered and laughed.

Everyone was happy and I imagined Laila watching us and breathing happiness into our souls.

We are definitely in a better place today then we were a month ago. I still describe it as a chronic illness. We still have to live with an ache that will last this mortal life. But we are learning to live with it. We have a long ways to go still. When I asked Mike how he would describe how we are doing right now he said, "We are doing fine--with a positive voice." I think he's right. We are doing fine. Not great, but not bad.

I'm ok with fine right now.


Pictures of our fall so far:
The creepy spider wreath I made
Our milk carton Jack-O-Lanterns (Mike likes that I didn't have to spend money on this craft)

The snow we woke up to

6 comments:

Frances said...

What a lovely post Adrianne. Can you believe that snow!?!

The Duke said...

I'm happy that you got to go to the temple together and that you are able to feel a little more peace. You described things perfectly.
I LOVE those jack-o-lanterns. What a fun craft and it looks awesome all lit up at night!

Alyssa said...

The Jack-o-lanterns looked really cool. I can't believe you have snow already!

Jed and Kera said...

I love the wreath! Snow? Wow!

I'm grateful that the temple opened again. What a sweet few moments I'm sure you experienced. I'm also grateful that you are doing "fine". We love you!

Jess and Jason said...

I love those jack-o-lanterns. Maybe we will make some of those this year!!

Haven Salon said...

I love the wreath! So cute. I want to make one. And the milk carton idea is awesome, how long did you have to save up milk cartons to do that? haha only a week? ;) I am glad you got to go to the temple and that you can feel peace there. Wish I could go with you out there!

gillian