I think I'm a snob

This slump that I've been in hasn't lifted. It's lasted much too long. Every time I look forward to something my hopes are dashed and I'm back to my low spirits. I really feel I don't have a lot more to give. I wouldn't say I'm depressed, even though it might seem like it. I'm just anxious and feel disappointed. I feel thankful for my blessings. I recognize the goodness of Heavenly Father and His hand in my life. I just feel that right now is a test for me and I'm trying my best to get through it and some days are harder than others. I acknowledge that my anxiety is showing a lack of faith and I also acknowledge that all will be well and work out in the end. I just struggle with compartmentalizing everything into their proper place.

On the top of my list right now is finding a house in Colorado Springs. Mike and I just returned from a four day trip to Colorado with the purpose of finding a home. We left the boys in Ohio with Mike's mom. They ended up being caught in an ice storm that left them confined to the house for days. We escaped the ice storm but braved the -14 degree weather (not including wind chill factor) to look at houses.

It seemed that every time we found a house we liked, something would come up to prevent us from choosing it. The first house we chose we were stoked about and were hoping to put an offer on. This was way back when our move date was December. Then we got the news we wouldn't be moving until April, now May, and as expected, the house is no longer on the market.

The second house was even nicer. It was a short sale and a fantastic deal for us. The house is huge and beautiful. We were really excited about this house and even made on offer on the house only to have our offer rejected and the price of the house raised $10,000.

The third house we loved we recognized that it really had no potential for growth for our family. While I don't know if we will have more children, we might, and if we do, we would need more room than we can get in that house. For now, it would fit us perfectly and I could see us spending hours in the yard. We both really love this house but can not see an easy solution to the problem of storage and expansion.

The next house we found was perfect for our family in all the features we were looking for. It was practical, large enough for us now and for possible expansion, had a big backyard, and was just beautiful. However, the drive to work each day would be 40 minutes each way. Now, if I didn't like Mike, this would be the perfect fit for us. Too bad I love him.

Then we found a house that was a new build. We looked over the floor plans, visited a similar model, and went to the lot. The house will be beautiful. We were going to be able to have granite counter tops and spectacular views of the mountains, and a three car garage among other things. However, the lot is located next to a train track, an agricultural and drilling supply store, and a wellness center that sells medicinal marijuana. Selling this home in that location would be a nightmare for us in the future so we cannot see ourselves buying this house.

So, after a lot of discussion and prayer, we have decided to put an offer on a house that holds no excitement for us. The house is cute from the outside but the inside has nothing about it that peaks my interest.
This house is absolutely the practical choice for us. It has four finished bedrooms, a three car garage, and a huge basement. It is in a nice neighborhood (one that is more crowded than we like) and the schools are rated 8, 9, and 10. The yard is not tiny but it's not huge. The carpets aren't disgusting but they are not nice and have stains on them. The dining room has carpet and the kitchen and entry way have linoleum (not a favorite). The counters are tile, something I cannot understand. The walls all need painting and there is no room for a pantry in the kitchen so it will have to go in the dining room, around the corner from the kitchen. All of the fixtures and hardware are working but they are all ugly. Basically, this house is fine but the best explanation for it is blah.

I totally recognize that this house is nice and big and I don't want to appear ungrateful or superficial. I also know that I can be happy anywhere I move, that my life holds so much more happiness than the home I live in.

Since seeing the house I felt this was the house we would eventually put an offer on but I was hoping that would not be the case. It just seemed that each time we found another house, this one would come to mind and while I'm not happy with the decision, I feel it is the right one.

So, I'm disappointed to say the least but I'm happy to have a place to move to, assuming our offer is accepted.

I hope that when we move from Colorado Springs I will be able to look back on this decision with happiness and I hope that we will come to love this house and the ward and the school.

I believe Heavenly Father leads our family and I feel he has led us to this house so I have confidence that while it isn't what we want, it will be the right thing for us and will bring us a lot of joy and peace.