A Segment from Mike's book

Mike posted a few paragraphs from his book on his and my family's blog. He decided he'd post here, too. He wants to know if any of you have any contacts with fiction publishers. Enjoy!


Still collecting his thoughts, Jaren continued to take in his surroundings. The cage he was in was just a wagon, like those pulled by horses, with bars on each side and crisscrossing across the top. Sitting in the cage with him were a half dozen dirty men. Jaren didn't recognize any of them. While all of their clothes appeared equally dirty, they seemed to vary in how worn they were. Some were wearing work clothes, a couple night clothes, and one wore what Jaren assumed was a woven sack that had holes cut for the man's head and arms to go through. Most of the men were disinterested in Jaren and continued to blankly stare down at the floor of the wagon, as Jaren assumed they were doing while he was unconscious.
"How are you feeling?" Jaren turned to look at the man sitting beside him. Of all the men, his clothes appeared the most worn. Both of his knees showed through his trousers, and the shoulders on his shirt were thread bare. His hair was tangled and his face covered with thin unkempt beard. The skin on his bare feet was covered in dust, and Jaren could see a clear line right above his ankle where his trousers prevented sunshine from tanning the skin. But, the man's face was what made him stand out the most from the other men. His eyes were clear, dark in color, and despite the apparent captivity, in contrast to the other men's apparent despondency, he seemed to emit happiness.
Jaren lightly shook his head, as is he might be able to shake his thoughts into order. "I'm not sure." He eventually replied. The man continued to look at him, his glance shifting to Jaren's head. Jaren gingerly reached up to touch the wound and noticed for the first time that he had chains on his wrists. They were large, a dull gray and slightly rusty. He hefted them and gave them a slight tugl. Glancing from left to right, he saw that all the men had similar chains on their wrists, and most had chains on their ankles as well. Swinging his legs slightly, Jaren verified that he did not have chains on his.
"Where am I? What's going on?" Jaren finally asked, unable to put what he saw and remembered together in any explanatory way.

Comments

The Duke said…
Send me the whole thing - I want to read it! You have me hooked.
There are still many places that need to be edited, but the story flows. I want to read it all.
Mom Clark
Jess and Jen said…
I agree. Reading a few paragraphs at a time is a bummer...I want to read it all. Hurry and finish! -Jen
Anonymous said…
A superb publishing site to visit is Pub Rants. (http://pubrants.blogspot.com/) She gives excellent insight into the world of publishing, and also has many good links to a lot of helpful places for unpublished writers, like Writer Beware (http://www.sfwa.org/for-authors/writer-beware/) and Query Shark (http://queryshark.blogspot.com/)
Anonymous said…
You should also know that just because you don't have any publishing contacts doesn't mean you aren't going to get published. Agents and Editors accept hundreds of new authors through queries and slushpile entries. As long as your writing crisp and your story interesting you can get published, even without contacts.
Zach and Nikki said…
I'm interested! What's going on?I'd keep reading and I'm one of those people that recognizes that the Harry Potter books are miles beyond the Twilight books in quality writing. That being said, I enjoyed your descriptions- they weren't too lengthy, and very natural flowing. I'm no expert- at all--I really can't write at all. But, I can read and I like what I read.
P.S. your family pictures look great!
Michelle said…
I like this a lot. I too would love to read more as soon as you have it. Thanks for sharing. I want a signed copy of your book!
chelsey said…
So when you make your millions do we get a share for encouragement???? I agree there are a few places to edit, mostly to make the sentences flow a tad easier, but it sounds great. You do pull in the reader easily and want to make us keep reading. Keep it up!
JC Choate said…
is this the same story that includes the morphing/adapting people?
Thanks for the comments, everyone. I do still need to edit everything--I'm just trying to get the story down first and then will edit later.

Calista--this is a different story. I never had a story for that world/universe. I still really like the idea, but until I have a story for that one, it will just have to wait.
Pitcher Family said…
So, I want to know where he is and where he is going and all that, too. It's very interesting and I want to read it all! What a smart brother I have!
Thanks Mandy, but I'm not sure why you said that about me on Mikes blog...
:)

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