I have a confession
I have anxiety issues. I need control of my life. Mike has decided not to go on a deployment. He decided it didn't feel like the right thing to do. When he decided my anxiety left and he felt good about his decision. I asked him if his decision had anything to do with my anxiety about all the things I would have to take care of while he was gone and he laughed and said, "No. I'm not the one that has to deal with it all when I'm gone." Thanks.
It might seem weird that I keep saying, "he decided" "his decision." I know that spouses are supposed to both agree on things that will affect their families. But I really have a hard time knowing how to make decisions concerning his career. His choices affect our family but really, he's the one that has to go to work every day. I really want him to be happy and satisfied with his job.
He called me from work on Monday and said, "How do you feel about me leaving?" I really didn't know how to answer that for him. Of course I didn't want him to go. I was having anxiety about all the choices I had to make in three months while I had originally thought I had about eight to make the same choices. Where will we live? When should we put our house on the market? How will I keep the house spotless when the house is on the market? With Mike's deployment other questions were brought up. Should I go to my mother-in-laws house? She would be happy to take us, but would she be happy to take us? She will already have a daughter-in-law and two grandchildren living with her. How can I keep life as normal as possible for the boys? What will we do with our dog? Where will Mike stay if our house sells before he gets back from his deployment ( his deployment would end a month before his time at Tinker is up)? What if our house sells while I'm in Maryland? I can't really talk extensively to Mike when he is on his deployment so can I be trusted to make the decisions necessary to sell our house? What will we do about finding a house in Ohio if Mike is gone? What should we do with all our things (the Air Force will only hold our things for 60-90 days depending on what you want to do with your things)?
So, are the feelings I was having a result of Heavenly Father saying it was not the right thing or just my uncomfortable feelings about being away from Mike? I realize that I am going to have to make sacrafices for Mike and his career and I also trust that Mike is going to make choices that will benefit our entire family. So what should I have said, "No. You cannot go on the deployment because I don't want you to go even though I know it might be good for you in the future?" I don't think so. That is why I'm not always sure how to help him make these decisions.
If I had known if and when he was going, then I would just move quickly and find answers to the questions and take care of things. But since I didn't know if and when he was leaving it was driving me crazy thinking about it all. The way I should have looked at the situation was to recognize that I didn't need to worry yet because I couldn't make those decisions yet. Some people, like Mike, are really good at not worrying. I am not that way. Some day I might be in control of my feelings and thoughts to the point where it just doesn't bother me to not KNOW what will happen in every situation. I'm just glad that for now there is one person in this house with that ability.
And, I'm relieved that Mike isn't going.
It might seem weird that I keep saying, "he decided" "his decision." I know that spouses are supposed to both agree on things that will affect their families. But I really have a hard time knowing how to make decisions concerning his career. His choices affect our family but really, he's the one that has to go to work every day. I really want him to be happy and satisfied with his job.
He called me from work on Monday and said, "How do you feel about me leaving?" I really didn't know how to answer that for him. Of course I didn't want him to go. I was having anxiety about all the choices I had to make in three months while I had originally thought I had about eight to make the same choices. Where will we live? When should we put our house on the market? How will I keep the house spotless when the house is on the market? With Mike's deployment other questions were brought up. Should I go to my mother-in-laws house? She would be happy to take us, but would she be happy to take us? She will already have a daughter-in-law and two grandchildren living with her. How can I keep life as normal as possible for the boys? What will we do with our dog? Where will Mike stay if our house sells before he gets back from his deployment ( his deployment would end a month before his time at Tinker is up)? What if our house sells while I'm in Maryland? I can't really talk extensively to Mike when he is on his deployment so can I be trusted to make the decisions necessary to sell our house? What will we do about finding a house in Ohio if Mike is gone? What should we do with all our things (the Air Force will only hold our things for 60-90 days depending on what you want to do with your things)?
So, are the feelings I was having a result of Heavenly Father saying it was not the right thing or just my uncomfortable feelings about being away from Mike? I realize that I am going to have to make sacrafices for Mike and his career and I also trust that Mike is going to make choices that will benefit our entire family. So what should I have said, "No. You cannot go on the deployment because I don't want you to go even though I know it might be good for you in the future?" I don't think so. That is why I'm not always sure how to help him make these decisions.
If I had known if and when he was going, then I would just move quickly and find answers to the questions and take care of things. But since I didn't know if and when he was leaving it was driving me crazy thinking about it all. The way I should have looked at the situation was to recognize that I didn't need to worry yet because I couldn't make those decisions yet. Some people, like Mike, are really good at not worrying. I am not that way. Some day I might be in control of my feelings and thoughts to the point where it just doesn't bother me to not KNOW what will happen in every situation. I'm just glad that for now there is one person in this house with that ability.
And, I'm relieved that Mike isn't going.
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