I know what she was doing
My mom used to disappear sometimes when I was growing up. She would grab her keys and jacket, get in the car and disappear. She always came back awhile later, usually with puffy eyes. I was NEVER any part of those puffy eyes, believe me.
I did that once after Isaac was born. Mike was not exactly his most helpful self at the time. He was just put in the bishopric again and the missionaries in our ward called probably twice a week asking Mike to go with them. I really, really disliked those missionaries. On the nights he was home he was playing the widely popular game World of Warcraft. This game has caused a whole lot of fights for a whole lot of couples in the world. It should have been called World of War on marital relationships. Anyway, he doesn't play the game anymore (he decided this on his own not because I told him to stop playing).
One night I was pretty upset. I don't think all the details are really needed to understand why. I was just upset. Anyway, I finally got both boys in bed, picked up the living room, did the dishes, and made Mike's lunch (he was a lucky husband in those days because he hardly ever gets lunches made for him anymore). I walked out the door with my journal and drove away. I only went to the church parking lot and didn't stay very long. But I turned off the car, wrote a very long entry in my journal, looked at the stars, and had a good cry. Then I came home and got ready for bed. And Mike didn't even realize I had ever left!
At the time I was hurt that he didn't notice. I felt that everyone needed me for something and I wasn't having my needs met. Maybe that was selfish, maybe it was true. It doesn't really matter. Mike is my perfect match and this post is in no way meant to tattle on him for a time I was hurt two years ago.
There is a reason for the story though. Today, when I was in the bathroom I had this feeling come over me. I can't describe how it felt. But it had an accompanying thought of, "What if I just left for awhile?" I have a feeling that everyone in my home right now is feeling like they are getting a little less attention from me than they would like. We have been having some sleeping and behavior problems lately as well as some major clingyness. I cannot hold the crying baby, wipe a bum, and put Isaac to bed all at the same time. Someone in this house needs to learn a higher degree of independence soon.
As I had these thoughts, I also remembered the time I left and no one noticed and I have to admit that that sounded pretty good to me.
Thinking back on all those times my mom disappeared, I think I know exactly what was happening while she was away. I think she had a stash of "on the town" clothes hidden in the trunk. I think she secretly met up with her friends and went "dragging main." Then when she pulled into the driveway I think she pulled out a bag of pre-chopped onions and used them to draw tears so we would all think she had been crying somewhere. I'm sure that is what happened.
I did that once after Isaac was born. Mike was not exactly his most helpful self at the time. He was just put in the bishopric again and the missionaries in our ward called probably twice a week asking Mike to go with them. I really, really disliked those missionaries. On the nights he was home he was playing the widely popular game World of Warcraft. This game has caused a whole lot of fights for a whole lot of couples in the world. It should have been called World of War on marital relationships. Anyway, he doesn't play the game anymore (he decided this on his own not because I told him to stop playing).
One night I was pretty upset. I don't think all the details are really needed to understand why. I was just upset. Anyway, I finally got both boys in bed, picked up the living room, did the dishes, and made Mike's lunch (he was a lucky husband in those days because he hardly ever gets lunches made for him anymore). I walked out the door with my journal and drove away. I only went to the church parking lot and didn't stay very long. But I turned off the car, wrote a very long entry in my journal, looked at the stars, and had a good cry. Then I came home and got ready for bed. And Mike didn't even realize I had ever left!
At the time I was hurt that he didn't notice. I felt that everyone needed me for something and I wasn't having my needs met. Maybe that was selfish, maybe it was true. It doesn't really matter. Mike is my perfect match and this post is in no way meant to tattle on him for a time I was hurt two years ago.
There is a reason for the story though. Today, when I was in the bathroom I had this feeling come over me. I can't describe how it felt. But it had an accompanying thought of, "What if I just left for awhile?" I have a feeling that everyone in my home right now is feeling like they are getting a little less attention from me than they would like. We have been having some sleeping and behavior problems lately as well as some major clingyness. I cannot hold the crying baby, wipe a bum, and put Isaac to bed all at the same time. Someone in this house needs to learn a higher degree of independence soon.
As I had these thoughts, I also remembered the time I left and no one noticed and I have to admit that that sounded pretty good to me.
Thinking back on all those times my mom disappeared, I think I know exactly what was happening while she was away. I think she had a stash of "on the town" clothes hidden in the trunk. I think she secretly met up with her friends and went "dragging main." Then when she pulled into the driveway I think she pulled out a bag of pre-chopped onions and used them to draw tears so we would all think she had been crying somewhere. I'm sure that is what happened.
Comments
Do many times -- I remember going out into the middle of nowhere in Nebraska where no one could find me and no one could demand anything from me. I don't think your Dad knew I was gone, either. A good cleansing cry is needed every once in a while. I don't have quite so many now, but they still come every so often. I have decided that the headache and stinging eyes aren't worth the cry.
I wish I was there so you could drop the kids off and I could relieve you some!
Believe me, this is a normal part of motherhood, wifehood and life in general.
Mom
Amber Crosby
AC
I think the stinging eyes and headache are worth the cry -- if the alternative is the pressure in your chest and the noise in your head that never gets released.
My husband usually doesn't notice when I cry -- I find that banging stuff loudly in the kitchen is better for getting a reaction. And when he does notice, it's usually when I'm not ready to talk about it anyway, so I'd rather he didn't.
I'm so glad for your posts! Good luck with the boys, and I hope someone (or all of them) gain a bit more independence soon!
I was thinking yesterday how my goal used to be how many days I could go without crying. Now my goal is to go a day without crying and not to cry in public. You're not alone. You are doing a wonderful job. I can't remember where but I recently read that "in the scriptures it says 'it came to pass'...not 'it came to stay". Here's to hoping... :)