Somethings gotta give
Lately I haven't exactly been on the top of my game. Sometimes I just get into a slump and it takes a little effort to get out of it. I have to figure out a million little minor details that are all combining to make me feel a bit crazy and a bit overwhelmed (and probably not very nice to those around me).
Sometimes, while Isaac is throwing his kabillionth tantrum (I'm sure that is a word) I think to myself, "What did Mike and I do in a previous life to deserve this demon child?" In a few years when he has traded his horns in for a halo I am sure I will be thinking the same thing about some other child in our family. Well, this week I totally get Isaac.
I currently have an outer earache. I can hardly hear anything out of my left ear and I'm left to wonder how in the world Isaac has learned any words at all. I thought about this children's book Dirt Boy where Fister Farnello tries to say,"Mom, it's me," but all that comes out is, "Mmmmrrarrgh oorff pplllptt," because he's so dirty and his teeth are so full of gunk. Only, Isaac is usually clean...at least for a few minutes after he bathes. I guess this reference to the book isn't a great comparison but when I read the book to Will yesterday I thought, "Hmm, I wonder if this is how everything sounds to Isaac." I don't remember ever having an earache before. I thought I had one a few weeks ago but only had fluid in my ear. This, however, is a real earache and I hate it. And I hate that Isaac gets earaches every nanosecond. It's one thing to know your baby is sick and feel sorry for him but it's quite another thing to experience his pain and feel sorry for him. My poor little Isaac.
Eli, while being very mild mannered and patient, has inherited Will and Isaac's tendency to not sleep ALL DAY LONG!!! Yesterday was a pretty normal sleeping day for him and after a two or three hour long nap in the morning he woke up at 12:30 and didn't go back to sleep until 8:30 PM. Now, I don't know about you but after holding an overly tired baby for seven hours, I want to get in my car and drive a long, long time without having to be responsible for anyone. It's seriously exhausting. Maybe if he slept through the night.....
One of the side effects of my seizure medicine is insomnia, which I don't have. Mike thought that perhaps the baby is getting just enough of my medicine through breastfeeding that the baby has insomnia. Who knows? I took him to the doctor today to get some advice. She said she could check his blood levels but then wouldn't know what to do with the results. The medicine is fairly new so no one has reported insomnia in their infant. Her advice was to "wear" him (ha, I'm going to turn into a baby wearing mother) and she gave me reflux medicine to see if that was why he didn't like to be put down. I could tell she felt bad for me that she had no other answer.
I guess I just feel stupid. After having two other babies with the same problem you'd think I'd have a better solution. I've got nothing--baby massage, baths, quiet music, rocking him in a dark room, swaddling, pacifiers, bouncing on an exercise ball while holding him, nursing him, swing, bouncy seat, etc. Nothing seems to work. It's like he never gets into a deep enough sleep for us to put him down and have him stay asleep. I have wondered where my craziness about naps came from and I honestly think it is because it takes me so long to get my babies to learn to sleep that when they finally do take naps I will do anything to protect those naps!
On another topic, remember how it took us so long to get a nursery leader? Well, the bishopric just released our nursery leader (of like two months). I knew they were going to take her and only asked for one thing: Please don't release her until you've called her replacement. It was a surprise to me when on Sunday she was released and no one called to take her spot. Anyway, I'm not going to write more about that because it's already been beaten to death.
I am tired of writing this post because it is totally making me feel depressed. Right now there is just a lot going on that feels a little overwhelming to me. I don't want to write about anymore of them today. My mom said I need to let go of some things. I've been thinking that over....what exactly am I supposed to let go of? I feel like I am only doing the bare minimum in pretty much all areas of my life right now so I'm not exactly sure which areas I should just let go of.
Sometimes, while Isaac is throwing his kabillionth tantrum (I'm sure that is a word) I think to myself, "What did Mike and I do in a previous life to deserve this demon child?" In a few years when he has traded his horns in for a halo I am sure I will be thinking the same thing about some other child in our family. Well, this week I totally get Isaac.
I currently have an outer earache. I can hardly hear anything out of my left ear and I'm left to wonder how in the world Isaac has learned any words at all. I thought about this children's book Dirt Boy where Fister Farnello tries to say,"Mom, it's me," but all that comes out is, "Mmmmrrarrgh oorff pplllptt," because he's so dirty and his teeth are so full of gunk. Only, Isaac is usually clean...at least for a few minutes after he bathes. I guess this reference to the book isn't a great comparison but when I read the book to Will yesterday I thought, "Hmm, I wonder if this is how everything sounds to Isaac." I don't remember ever having an earache before. I thought I had one a few weeks ago but only had fluid in my ear. This, however, is a real earache and I hate it. And I hate that Isaac gets earaches every nanosecond. It's one thing to know your baby is sick and feel sorry for him but it's quite another thing to experience his pain and feel sorry for him. My poor little Isaac.
Eli, while being very mild mannered and patient, has inherited Will and Isaac's tendency to not sleep ALL DAY LONG!!! Yesterday was a pretty normal sleeping day for him and after a two or three hour long nap in the morning he woke up at 12:30 and didn't go back to sleep until 8:30 PM. Now, I don't know about you but after holding an overly tired baby for seven hours, I want to get in my car and drive a long, long time without having to be responsible for anyone. It's seriously exhausting. Maybe if he slept through the night.....
One of the side effects of my seizure medicine is insomnia, which I don't have. Mike thought that perhaps the baby is getting just enough of my medicine through breastfeeding that the baby has insomnia. Who knows? I took him to the doctor today to get some advice. She said she could check his blood levels but then wouldn't know what to do with the results. The medicine is fairly new so no one has reported insomnia in their infant. Her advice was to "wear" him (ha, I'm going to turn into a baby wearing mother) and she gave me reflux medicine to see if that was why he didn't like to be put down. I could tell she felt bad for me that she had no other answer.
I guess I just feel stupid. After having two other babies with the same problem you'd think I'd have a better solution. I've got nothing--baby massage, baths, quiet music, rocking him in a dark room, swaddling, pacifiers, bouncing on an exercise ball while holding him, nursing him, swing, bouncy seat, etc. Nothing seems to work. It's like he never gets into a deep enough sleep for us to put him down and have him stay asleep. I have wondered where my craziness about naps came from and I honestly think it is because it takes me so long to get my babies to learn to sleep that when they finally do take naps I will do anything to protect those naps!
On another topic, remember how it took us so long to get a nursery leader? Well, the bishopric just released our nursery leader (of like two months). I knew they were going to take her and only asked for one thing: Please don't release her until you've called her replacement. It was a surprise to me when on Sunday she was released and no one called to take her spot. Anyway, I'm not going to write more about that because it's already been beaten to death.
I am tired of writing this post because it is totally making me feel depressed. Right now there is just a lot going on that feels a little overwhelming to me. I don't want to write about anymore of them today. My mom said I need to let go of some things. I've been thinking that over....what exactly am I supposed to let go of? I feel like I am only doing the bare minimum in pretty much all areas of my life right now so I'm not exactly sure which areas I should just let go of.
Comments
Mike
Adrianne, sorry life is no fun right now. I hope it lightens up soon, or at least seems lighter.
Mike, be nice.
Rachel, one was hard for me too!
Mandy, things will get better. It just takes time, as you know. Mike always says to me, "What is the next thing you can look forward to?" I'm looking forward to the reunion so I can see everyone and so everyone can hold the baby!
Tara, I read your blog just a little bit ago and was wondering how things were going for you too. I'm so glad things are getting better for you. I think putting pregnant ladies and new moms in Nursery is crazy. In our ward we only have pregnant ladies, new moms, or really, really old ladies. It is hard to find anyone.
Steff, I have been thinking about you everyday for the last while and keep wanting to call again (I got a message) but just haven't gotten around to it. I'll try again.
Mike
I wish we were neighbors, so I could have your kids come over and play and give you a break. Or, I'd even wear your tired baby around with me...I have a sling and everything. :)
Your post made me think...and truly all of these are just my thoughts...if I were you...
-When the nursery leader isn't there...go and get a couple of parents and tell them you need them to fill in or there will be no nursery that day. You could even make a sign up sheet for parents until a new one is called...so they know when it will be their turn
-Not sleeping baby? Ouch. You have a good theory about your meds though. I would suggest wearing your baby too. Andrew is 15 months old and I STILL wear him sometimes...(he's a little needy) Go to mobywrap.com and learn how to wrap yourself up...then instead of buying one buy a big long peice of jersey knit fabric (WAY cheaper, and easy).
-Since it's summer tell the Young Women's president you could use some help from girls who want to do service projects- let them clean your bathrooms, iron, vaccum, mop, fold laundry or play with the boys while you nap or go for a walk.
I think you're doing great....I can't take the leap from 2-3 kids....eek! You've got all my respect just for being willing!
Thanks for the website. My friend let me borrow her wrap but I'm not very good at wrapping it so I'll check the site out.
As far as taking the leap from two to three....I can't say that three is any harder than two--just different. I would be nervous to have another if I were you too though. Don't your kids come really early? My kids only come two to four weeks early and that scares me!