How things are currently

 Well, I haven't written on here a lot over the last few months, at least not in real time. I still have a lot to catch up on--I haven't even documented our move yet--but I just find it hard to get on here.  Things haven't been....well, I don't even know how to finish that sentence.  

Since I haven't posted much about this move and adjustment, I assume there will be some repeat once I finally get around to posting photos and details.  However, I'll mention some things anyway.  One of our shipments arrived missing an entire crate of belongings.  Oddly enough (said with sarcasm), the crate that was missing was filled with everything worth money as well as a few other random boxes.  Our smoker, washer and dryer, fridge, miter saw, queen mattress, lawn mower, some nice computer chairs, two shop vacs, our piano bench, a freezer Mike used for his "cheese cave", and our zip-line, all "misplaced". Delivered, but missing two shelves, were our bookshelves that cost us a pretty penny.   

One of the random boxes that was missing with the crate held all of my journals from the time I was ten and started keeping a journal until our move to Japan.  30 years of journals.  All gone. I'm heartbroken.  Obviously the other items can be replaced but my journals cannot.  While silly when I say it out loud, it feels like those years are being erased, or perhaps invalidated.  Journaling has always been important to me.  I have wondered over the years why I've kept this blog up for so many years and I guess maybe I can find comfort in knowing that at least I still have this.  

Also of major frustration for me has been my health.  Before leaving Japan I had learned to manage my thyroid eye disease and had finally gotten medication to manage my skin disease.  Winters were difficult for my eyes--the dryness and the wind were my nemesis.  Here in Colorado the sun makes my eyes so sensitive.  The wind and the dry air are pretty awful for me and I can't imagine how bad it will be when Winter arrives.  We were eating dinner with a family in our ward and as I was collecting my things to leave, I noticed that the husband had pulled Mike aside and they were talking quietly.  Once in the car Mike told me that the husband had nervously asked if I had thyroid problems.  Mike told him I didn't have a thyroid anymore and the man said he was nervous to ask but couldn't help noticing that my eyes looked like the classic thyroid eye disease eyes.  He mentioned that he was an opthamologist so he was extra sensitive to people's eyes and that he had a colleague who was doing great work in the area of thyroid eye disease.  He said that if I ever was interested he would give me the name and number of his colleague and I could go see him.  I felt like it was actually a divine intervention and I felt happy and surprised at the odds that we would have dinner with an opthamologist who would be able to recommend someone doing work in thyroid eye disease.  I went to my doctor to get a referral and was disappointed to discover that because the base has their own opthamologist, I would have to see their doctors.  I don't want to jump to conclusions, I'm sure they are great doctors, but I was so excited to see someone who was currently doing research in this area who could potentially help me and feel discouraged that I can't go that route.  The earliest the base can get me in is November so I'll need to wait even to see if they can be any help to me.  

Talking of doctors, I have been feeling pretty terrible.  I've been feeling depressed, which seems normal for such a big life change of moving across the world and having to adjust to new routines, schools, wards, etc.  But it feels like my medication should be more effective.  I haven't wanted to increase my dose because I assume that with time, things will get better.  And, I guess, if I'm being honest, I'm doing a lot better than I expected.  I've been actively practicing gratitude and patience.  It has really helped me to keep things in perspective.  Still, the sadness does feel persistent.  On top of that, all the fifteen pounds I worked so hard to lose has come back in a matter of four months.  I'm having terrible headaches again, body aches, digestion issues, and I am so, so tired.  I have a hard time keeping my eyes open and feel as though I can fall asleep anywhere.  I had my blood work done and everything came back bad.  In May I had the same blood work done.  Everything looked awesome.  My A1c was perfect, my thyroid levels were good, my cholesterol was so good that the doctor asked if I was on cholesterol medication.  When I got these blood tests back though I looked like a completely different person.  My A1c was in prediabetic range.  I've never had high A1c.  My cholesterol was high (also never had high cholesterol).  My thyroid levels are not within range and my white and red blood cell counts were off.  I also have a non-painful lump under my armpit.  I was sick (I think with Covid) in August and I wondered if maybe my body was still fighting off the infection and that was why my blood counts were off and I had the swollen armpit.  When I went to see the doctor he was really dismissive.  He refused to up my medication for my thyroid or give me a referral to an endocrinologist.  Even though the range for thyroid is supposed to be 1-4 and I am above 4, he said he wouldn't start medicating someone until they were between a 6-10!  That feels negligent to me.  When I asked how my levels could all be so bad so quickly he didn't have any answer and said I should probably just go see a nutritionist.  He checked the armpit and told me to wait until my yearly mammogram to get it checked out. He also gave me the wrong dose for my depression medication.  So, I left with the wrong dose for that and my thyroid is still super low.  I walked to patient advocacy and asked to switch doctors.  In the meantime, I've done a lot of research, realizing that he is treating me as someone who has a thyroid and the ranges are different.  I found old notes from my endocrinologist from Denver saying that my levels should be between a 1 and 3.  So, the next time I go to the doctor I'll bring her notes and hope I have some better luck.  In the meantime, I'm exhausted and feel like junk.

In other news, tomorrow is Isaac's last day of Home MTC.  We leave on Tuesday to take him to Provo. This week has been great to see how he has already grown in one week.  I can't say he loved Home MTC.  He didn't hate it, but he was really tired and had a lot of moments of boredom.  He is the only one in his district that knows any Japanese so he spent a lot of time helping the other Elders and Sisters as well as a lot of time stressing about not progressing in Japanese because he already knows everything they are covering.  He asked to receive one on one tutoring and he's been doing a ton of study on his own.  He's going to be a great Elder and I'm super excited for him.     

I think that's it for today.  Kind of a depressing blog post...