Thyroidectomy

I had my thyroid removed in April.  I have written some posts about the diagnosis of Grave's disease and the nodule they found on my thyroid.  I had to get labs and meet with my endocrinologist every month.  My TSH continued to be unreadable and every month my medicine was adjusted.  By February, the doctor said that it was up to me if we kept the thyroid in or removed it.  The reasons for removing being that the size of my gland meant I probably would not go into remission and at the levels of medicine I was on, I would not be able to stay on the medication.  The raspy, scratchy voice was still and issue with occasional chocking on food.  We still didn't know if the nodule was cancerous.  If Tokyo was not on the table, I think I would have waited to take the thyroid out.  The doctor said that if I left it in, I would have to continue with monthly appointments (and labs), regular scans of the nodule, and then possibly get it removed anyway.  We had gotten my medication down to 10 mg but that was still too high and after that month, my labs indicated that I had to raise the dose again.  She had hoped to get me to 5 mg and then see if they could keep me there as long as possible before having to take me off the medicine but since I couldn't get below 10, that didn't seem like a likely possibility by the time we had to move.  The EFMP office was clear that if I could not remove my thyroid they would need to put me on the program and then our changes of going were slim.  It seemed like an easy way to get out of this crazy move but I didn't want to be the reason we didn't go.  After praying, I decided that since we were headed in that direction anyway, we should just move forward and get it removed.  I've had a lot of emotions about it.  Before the surgery, when I was running, I would listen to the church song Reaching Out over and over and try not to get choked up when she sings, "Give your will to Him, that's when the miracles begin."  Graves Disease took me by surprise.  When the diagnosis came, I was in a pretty bad place physically.  I couldn't control the tremors or the headaches or my heart rate and just felt so terrible.  I had friends (and a sister) who were able to get on medicine and go into remission and that was my hope.  I had wished for a different outcome and had wished for more time to make this decision--The timing with a move coming up was pretty bad.  I had talked to many people who had their thyroid removed and everyone I talked to said they were happy with the decision but most everyone said it took a long time to get the right levels.  Part of me very much worried (and still worries) that I as just trading one set of problems for another.  

The surgery was on April 2nd.  I don't always do well with anesthesia.  The first time I had it my heart rate plummeted and they had to give me something to stabilize it. I don't usually get sick like my sisters or mom but this time very much had issues with barfing.  I woke up in the morning before heading to the hospital with a terrible headache and woke up from surgery with a terrible headache.  I assume that contributed to the barfing.  The surgery lasted about four hours and the interns were very excited to show me pictures of my thyroid when I woke up.  They said it kept bleeding and was huge, which made it hard to take out.  Apparently, it went all the way down to my collar bone.  I had two of the four parathyroid glands embedded into the gland so they removed the glands and replanted them.  The surgeon had said that the parathyroid glands don't like to be messed with and sometimes if you have to mess with them, your calcium would drop.  Later, she said that often if you replant them, they end up doing well, but at the time, I didn't know that and was worried that I would have permeant issues with calcium.  I did have to take a lot of calcium for awhile but that is common and thankfully, didn't last too long.  The biopsy came back showing the nodule was benign so that was a relief.  That first night in the hospital was rough.  I threw up and felt so miserable with my headache and felt very light headed.  I had been poked so many times while they tried to get an IV in me and then poked more from checking my calcium levels every few hours.  I didn't sleep much at all that night and was relieved to be sent home the following day.  I slept a lot once I got home.  

My biggest complaint was how tired I was.  I could not keep my eyes open and got tired so quickly.  Each day I'd try and walk a little and the first day I only got to the end of our property before I had to turn around but each day I was able to walk more.  I took so many naps and made sure to simplify everything I possibly could.  Mike took over seminary drop-off/pick-up and took the kids to and from school on Wednesday.  Sadly, my simplified life only lasted a week before life got really busy.  I definitely feel like Heavenly Father helped me accomplish everything I needed to do and helped me see what things to let go of.  

After the first six weeks I saw my endocrinologist and she said that my levels were still too high (I guess it takes a few months for hyper to turn to hypo).  By that six week appointment I was actually feeling pretty good--still a little swollen in my neck and a little hoarse, but because of the labs showing my levels still to high, she lowered my medicine.  She said that even though many people actually feel better a little hyper, she couldn't leave me there because long term hyper can ruin my heart and bones.  I would say that I do not feel better at this lower level.  I am back to feeling really tired, somewhat down, and have gained ten pounds since the surgery.  I see her again in a month and I feel worried that this is my baseline and that I am not ever going to feel better again.  I am discouraged by the weight gain after working so hard this past year to lose it.  I very much worry that we will move to Tokyo before my levels are where they should be, at which point, I'll have to try and work with a Japanese PCM.  I am trying to be patient and remember that everyone I talked to who had the surgery all had a lot of tweaking to do before they got where they needed to be.  I hope that happens quicker than later and that I will be able to get it all figured out.  If this is my new normal, even if it isn't where I want to be, it IS better than when I was first diagnosed with Graves.  

The biggest thing I've learned this year through all the health challenges is to trust God.  It has been a struggle.  Putting my fears in His hands and trusting that He knows how to get me to be the Adrianne He needs me to be, has been a process.  Accepting the disappointments, enduring, and not letting myself fear the unknown, has stretched me.