Christmas with Laila

Yesterday was a really good day.  When we woke up, I told Mike that I was anticipating being disappointed but was trying not to have expectations for the day.  I always seem to come away feeling somewhat dissatisfied after days like yesterday.  Thankfully, it ended up being a really good day and even though not everything was perfect, I didn't really care and I think that is a tender mercy.  I was getting ready before we left and I had the thought, "If I died, I would not want Mike or the kids to stress about how to honor me.  I would just want them to be happy and not bother about the details."  I realize that that is probably how Laila feels.  She doesn't probably care about any of the details or what we do.  Even so, I still think it is important for our family culture to honor her and do things that keep her in our memories.  I think having that thought though, really just helped me to go with the flow and let the day be whatever it was going to be.  

Will drove us all the way to the Springs.  It is by far the longest he has ever driven at one time.  He did a great job.  Across from the cemetery is a donut shop and we have driven by it so many times and never stopped.  The cemetery is not located in a nice part of town and I honestly thought it was probably a pretty shady donut shop but someone told me it had really good donuts so I told Mike we should stop and it turned out to be so good.  I wish I could remember who told me it was good so I could thank them.  Anyway, we took our donuts to the cemetery and set out our tarp and blanket while we drank hot chocolate and ate our donuts.  It was 52 degrees out but the wind made it so, so cold so I'm so glad I brought hot chocolate.  The girls brought their barbies and played and we placed a wreath on Laila's grave.  We also brought Diamond's ashes and I know this is probably so weird to some people that we have had his ashes in Mike's car for almost seven years but we just didn't know what to do with them.  We decided he and Laila should be together so we spread his ashes out on her grave.  I've never done that before so it was a new experience for us.  When it got too cold for us, we went to the van and read our book The Christmas Miracle of Johnathan Toomey and then the kids opened their Laila gift.  This year their gift was really lame.  We got them masks with a heart on it.  I told Mike that the boys would not love a mask with a heart on it, let alone a mask at all but we thought it kind of represented our year perfectly.  No one complained about getting a mask and Will said he could pull anything off, heart or no heart.  Haha.  I like his confidence.  

After the grave we drove to Target so we could all go to the bathroom and then went for a short walk/park stop while we waited for our pizza to be ready.  We picked up our pizza and went to our friend's house for dinner and then drove back to Denver past the girls' bedtime.  I think the best part of the day was that everyone was happy the entire time.  I love this family of mine