Moving forward

 The last post I wrote was kind of depressing and heavy.  It's been a month since I was diagnosed and so far I haven't seen too many improvements from the thyroid medication.  The headache medicine is still helping a lot so that is awesome.  Most days I take the medicine and only feel a slight headache with a few days where I also take ibuprofen along with the medicine.  It is such a huge improvement.  The doctor was concerned that they headaches were not gone so she sent me to get an MRI.  There is no tumor, which is a relief.  I wasn't too concerned about a tumor but Mike was.  They did find a cyst in my nasal cavity so I assume that is adding to the headaches.  I still think it is from the thyroid but I guess I need more time for my thyroid to get better.  I had my monthly blood tests done yesterday and some of my levels are improving a little.  My T4 free and T3 were a little better but my TSH is still almost unreadable.  The range for T4 free is .8-1.8 and my levels are 3.4.  For T3, they want you to be 76-181 and I am 333.  Last month I was over 500.  For your TSH they want you to be 4-5 and I am still at .01.  

Working out is so hard.  I've had to go down to 10lb weights and they feel like 50lbs to me.  The normal 45 minutes I reserve for weight lifting either gets shortened to 20-30 minutes, or I have to take a lot of breaks.  Running is kind of a joke now.  I run just under 2 miles and have to stop five to seven times.  After, I feel wiped out the rest of the day.  I don't run often now because I stop so many times that it just seems like walking is the best option.  Some days during my workout I think, "You can do hard!  You can do this!" I feel like this is just a season.  I feel peaceful and confident in myself and able to be patient.  Other days, like today, I just want to cry and think, "This is so stupid!"  It just feels really discouraging.  It feels like so many steps back and there are so many uncertainties moving forward. 

I exercised today and I was feeling so down and I just decided to spend the rest of my workout listing everything positive I could.  It helped a lot.  I was grateful for my headphones and good music, the sunshine that is so abundant in Colorado, the beautiful leaves and cool breeze, medicine that lets my head feel better, etc.  There is so much to be grateful for and I am thankful to be able to notice those things and to use Gratitude right now to help me. I feel certain that in a year or two I'll look back and this won't seem so hard and I just have to keep positive in the meantime.