Smiley faces all over the place

Isaac has been quite a challenge for me since the day he was born. Being sick most of his life has made it hard for me to know what his true self is like. It has been hard for me to separate the sickness from the kid, you know? I was told that when he got tubes in his ears I would see drastic improvements in his behavior. That didn't really happen so I had just determined that he had a more passionate (for lack of a better word) personality and that I just had to find the parenting style that would fit him and change myself. I had thought that maybe I wasn't loving enough for him and if I just gave more kisses, more hugs, etc. But Isaac rarely let me kiss him or hug him. He would kick me and tell me to go away and hit me regularly through the day. He would throw himself on the floor screaming for the stupidest things. If he wanted a drink he would just start throwing a tantrum without even asking for the drink. So I'd be like, "Oh my gosh, what is wrong with him?" only to find that he wanted a drink.

It was almost to the point that he was screaming at me all day and I was yelling at him all day to stop screaming and hitting and kicking and biting. Will would be reading something and Isaac would decided he wanted it so he'd walk up and take it away and when I told him to give it back he'd run away with it or he'd run up to Will and squeeze him as hard as he could or bite him. Time outs didn't work, holding him so he couldn't move didn't work, extra love wasn't working. I'd go to put him to bed and tell Will he needed to do something else so I could spend some alone time with Isaac. Sometimes he'd let me rock him or sing to him or rub his back but most of the time he'd kick me and say, "Go away, Mom."

We've prayed about it for a long time. We've asked Heavenly Father to help make him healthy. I've grown a lot in the past few months as far as patience and love. I've tried to be more free with my compliments and acknowledgements of his good behavior. I've given him more hugs and kisses and rather than yelling at him I've tried to kneel down and look him in the eye and tell him that we don't behave the way he is and tell him why and that it hurts my feelings. Some days it has worked.

Anyway, the reason for this post is to say that Isaac is changing!!! I decided to make a poster and smiley faces and when he did something even remotely good to have him put a smiley face up. When he did something naughty he had to take one down. At the end of the day he would get candy if he got 10 smiley faces. 10 was too many for him. So we went down to five. You can see from the picture that we went from 10 to five. The picture doesn't show it but he's gotten five every day so far. He did great for a week and then got sick and didn't care about the smiley faces. He went right back to his old behavior. Then he got better after two weeks and he is being wonderful.

This is a long post but I've been thinking about this for a long time. I have written about his nasty behavior on this blog before and I really want to write about his good behavior. So, this post is going to keep getting longer. Sorry. Instead of hording all the toys he will freely share with Will. He is saying "I love you" without prompting for the first time in his life. He give us all hugs and kisses. If he starts to get mad he will stop with a small prompting or with us merely saying his name and he will immediately say. "I sorry." He will come to hit one of us and before he actually does he will change his mind and instead give a hug and tell us he's sorry." Instead of screaming when we tell him he can't watch a show he will ask, "Later?" and then go play. Instead of sticking his fingers in his ears and yelling at Eli when Eli is crying he will say so sweetly, "It's ok baby. Don't cry. I love you." At nap time and bed time he will let me sing to him and give me kisses and doesn't tell me to go away.

I'm not sure what has happened to change us--all of us because Isaac isn't the only one in our family that needs to change. I don't know if the tubes have suddenly helped. I'm not sure if our response towards him is kinder and therefore he feels more safe in our home. Maybe he didn't feel enough love from us and felt that his love wouldn't be returned the way he wanted it to. Maybe the smiley faces just did something for him. I doubt the smiley faces did it. Maybe Heavenly Father just saw that our family needed more peace. I'm sure that is the answer. I think he has opened my heart and helped me love Isaac unconditionally. I cannot say that Isaac is completely a different child. He still has a little temper and the two weeks he was sick he showed his old self. But I hope that we will have more better days now than bad ones. I hope he will feel our love and continue to try and control his temper. I wish we could have another family reunion so that everyone could see my happy, funny little Ikie-likey.