Well, we're not going to win any awards for discipline



Will is giving us grief lately and Mike and I are finding we aren't the best at disciplining him. Just don't call DHFS on us after reading this! Man, did Will get a stubborn streak. So he's going through this independent stage that is fine and normal for a three year old but I think he's taking it to the extreme.

First example: We needed to go to the BX (Base exchange...it's like Shopko) to drop off Mike's uniform to get a patch sewn on and dry cleaned. I told Will to go get his shoes and socks. He ignored me. Five minutes later I noticed he hadn't moved from his spot and so I asked him again. Again, he ignored me. I told him Isaac and I were going and Will could come if he wanted. So I went and got Isaac's shoes on and brushed teeth, etc. I got both boy's coats out and put Isaac's on and my own on. Then when Will wasn't looking I put his shoes and socks in the van. I said, "Ok, let's go" and started putting Isaac in the car. Will started freaking out. I can't go...I don't have my shoes on." I told him it was too bad and he needed to get in the car. He was crying and I felt a little bad for making him walk outside in the freezing cold with nothing on his feet. He was instantly relieved when he saw I had his shoes and socks waiting for him. I wish I could say this solved our problem of ignoring me when I tell him to get his shoes and socks on.

Second example: Will has been wetting his pants because he waits to long to go and tells us no when we tell him to go potty. So yesterday he wanted to put this onsie on that snaps and I told him no because he'd wait too long to go potty and then wouldn't be able to unsnap it in time and wet hiself. He was so freakin' insistant. So I said, "Fine but you will need to put them on yourself." I should add that Will is really weird about pj's. He wants to wear them all day long and has to put them on for nap time or quiet time. I think he wears normal clothes only a few short hours in the day. Anyway, it was quiet time and he likes these onsies as pj's so of course he just HAD to have them on. After quiet time I noticed he hadn't put any pants on so I told him he had to put some on over the onsie--it was just too cold to be running around with a onsie. He refused.

Mike happened to come home at this time and told Will not to disobey me and put his pants on. Will stood his ground and started saying, "I'm too little and too sick to put my pants on." So Mike said, "Fine. Then you are too little to stay up. Get in bed and have nap time." I don't think Will thought we were serious because he was like, "Ok" and then Mike turned off the light and Will screamed, "I'm not too little. I'll put my clothes on." So he gets out and the second he gets out says, "I'm too little. I can't do it." So them Mike put him in timeout and Will did the same thing, "I'll put my clothes on now" only to say, "I'm too little" the minute he got out of timeout.

By this time Mike was furious. He said, "It's too cold. Put them on now." Will said, "It's not too cold." So Mike takes Will and the pants and makes him stand outside. It was in the thirties yesterday! Will starts screaming, "It's cold. I want my pants on!" Mike lets him in and the silly boy once again says, "It's not cold. I'm not putting my pants on." What the freak?!! Who is this child?! He gets put outside again and Mike is just standing there saying, "Are you cold yet? Are you going to put your pants on?" Finally, Will decided to listen. He was completely heartbroken that his nice daddy was so mean to him. He ran to me and said, "Daddy scared me!" Then Mike felt terrible and sat with Will forever and told him he was sorry he was so scary and that Will needed to obey us, etc.

So, obviously Mike and I haven't figured out a good way to discipline Will. I'm pretty sure our solution of making Will walk in the cold or stand outside in 30 degree weather isn't the answer. I try to give him choices: you may wear the grey pants or the blue pants. But he seems to have his own agenda that says, "Anything mom wants for me is bad and deserves an immediate, 'no.'" Mike said it is probably just a stage but I disagree. It's not like Will is just starting to show his stubborness. The kid has been stubborn since he came out of me. I've got to find some way to let him have his independence and help him obey us at the same time. Oh, and the picture has nothing to do with the post. I just thought it was a cute picture of him "working" in the garden.

Comments

Jess and Jen said…
That is a great picture of Will. The story is pretty good too. I'm sure Mike is right and that's it's just a phase. He will probably always be stubborn, but won't always feel the need to be stubborn about everything. In the mean time...have fun with that!

Jen
Marcy said…
I love the book LOVE AND LOGIC FOR EARLY CHILDHOOD. If you haven't read it, I highly suggest it. I think you're doing great.

Our biggest struggle has been getting our girls to leave someone's house when it's time to--they want to keep playing. I did a lot of threatening and pleading and then finally decided to put some marshmallows in a container in my car. They know if they get their socks, shoes and coat on and go immediately to the car they get about 4 mini marshmallows each. If they take a while coming I start subtracting marshmallows. It's worked for us!

Another struggle is getting Olivia to get ready for school in the morning. We just told her she can't play any computer or color or anything until she's all ready to walk out the door. Then she can play with whatever she wants until it's time to go. Maybe you could take away all Will's fun stuff until he's ready for the day (completely dressed).
a few sundays ago i had to take callie(3) out of sacrament mtg (we do this only as a very last resort, so it's a big deal) and then out of primary too (i'm one of two teachers in our branch).

both times i put her outside and held the door from the inside. it was freezing and windy out. and she was too upset (clueless?) to go to a different door. but it worked (both times :)), and she was only in the cold for about a minute.

we also have potty issues that sound very similar.

i think the worst thing (besides actual abuse, of course) that can happen in this kind of situation is to label the child or give up on the child or accept that this is just "how they are." how we react to them has such a big influence on how they are and who they become. i need to stop calling callie my "problem child." even if it is true.
Pitcher Family said…
This sounds just like everyday at our house. I often wonder if we were like this as kids?? We survived, and I'm sure our kids will too, but it sure is annoying and frustrating.
We just do the best we can!! I've had several people in the grocery store tell me how wonderful it is to have three boys and what joy they must be to me. It's a good reminder as I chase them down the aisles. One lady told me there is a special place in heaven for the mothers of three boys. I bet it's a padded room... I'll see you there!
Zach and Nikki said…
Since I'm not experienced in what you're going through- I can't offer any advice, but I can say thank you for putting up these kinds of posts because it gets me thinking about what I might do.
Also, I have to second the suggestion for reading the Love and Logic book- I don't have it, but I ran my classroom on love and logic and it worked very well for me. My students weren't perfect, but they were very respectful and for the most part- very obedient.
Hey, I was just thinking how funny it would've been if I had captioned the picture, "How we discipline Will" and made everyone think I made him dig holes outside as a punishment. That is a great idea.

I have heard of the book and have heard it is good. I'll have to check it out.
Steff said…
It's kind of nice to hear we are not the only ones going through these things with our kids. It's so hard to know what to do. We haven't found anything that is working for Charlie but we have something that works pretty good for Win. We have a jar full of plastic tokens with 5 written on them. Then we have a smaller jar with Winston's name written on it. When he goes the extra mile...picks up C's toys, helps keep C busy while I'm cooking dinner, obeys immediately, etc...he gets a token to put in his jar. The tokens are worth 5 minutes each to play his lego computer game. I don't know what your computer situation is like but there are a lot of fun little games (free) on the internet for small kids. Winston loves them. He gets to start each day with 4 tokens in his jar (20 minutes worth) and if he is naughty, we take a token out. I don't know if it is a good way to deal with him, but it's been working awesome! Hope you figure something out for Will. I can't believe how stubborn these kids can be!!
Frances said…
I did think the garden work was punishment. Very creative Adrianne!! :)
Jess and Jen said…
Have you tried shaking him? That brain moving against the skull does wonders...look how I turned out.
Jess
Carolina said…
Do babies really grow up to be stubborn, independent, disobedient, and defiant? I don't even want to imagine what Alex's tactics will be when he is old enough to talk. I'm noticing that his temper is quite explosive. . . .
tarable said…
We have been at our wits end with our 3 year old too. It seems like we are constantly yelling at him. I just broke down last week and checked out the love and logic book at the library. Am hoping for a miracle. Also hoping this 3rd boy will be mellow and sweet. But mostly start sleeping a little at night.

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