It's all down hill from here, or something like that
40.
Tomorrow I am 40.
I have written about this before but turning 40 has been on my mind for about a year now. I think it all started to sit on my mind last year when I realized that I was turning 40 and the decade had turned out so much differently than I ever imagined. I feel like I've lived a lifetime in this one decade.
I do find it somewhat ironic that this decade is ending with a global pandemic.
I had all kinds of goals for my thirtieth year. I don't have any for my fourtieth year. I think my only goal will be to survive. It's funny actually becasue I had asked Mike for a blessing a few weeks ago and one of the things he mentioned was that during this pandemic I would achieve my goals. I was like, "Goals? I'm supposed to have those?" Well, here we are, a few weeks later, and I still don't know what goals I'm supposed to be achieving. hahaha.
At some point I wrote down a list of all the stuff that has happened during this decade. I don't know where I wrote that down but a brief review includes:
-2 miscarriages, -three pregnancies/babies, -four moves, -a broken knee, -a surgery to fix broken knee, -deployment, -post partum depression, -scoliosis diagnosis (mild, thankfully!), -surgery to remove a varicose vein, -death of my sweet Laila, -living through a hurricane, -a global pandemic -Gaining 40 lbs.
-3 beautiful baby girls, -three boys getting baptized and later receiving the preisthood, -experiencing living in a coastal city (I sure miss that beach!), -homeschool, -making best friends in different states, -picking up the hobby of photography, -owning (and ending) a business, -experiencing the smokies, -vacations in Shenadoah, Virginia, Virginia Beach, Vegas, Ruidoso, New Mexico, Destin, FL, Utah, Kentucky, Maryland, and Georgia. -My first cruise--Mayan Ruins! -The kids learning to surf. -Watching synchronized lighting bugs. -Having a pool. -family reunions -baking bootcamp -learning to sew very basic creations -callings in Primary (so many callings in Primary), Sunday School, Relief Society, and YW.
That list is grammatically not written well and I am too lazy to go fix it but goodness, what a lot. That isn't even half of all the experiences we have had during the last ten years. There have been a lot of stretching experiences and many, many beautiful, happy experiences. I feel grateful for all the growth and all the incredible things that have filled my life these last ten years.
I am not going to lie, I'm coming out of my 30's really tired. I entered my 30's so hopeful and so excited and I'm entering my 40's with a heck of a lot more maturity and life experience. I am certainly a better person but I'm also more realistic about this life stuff now and I am actually feeling a little hesitant. I remember right after Laila died, looking at Mike and saying, "But I'm only 31. If this happened when I'm this young, what does God still have in store for me?" I still sometimes worry about that. I think when you go through something really traumatic like that, it almost makes you more scared for a repeat or more scared for what else could happen because you know now just how bad it can be. But, I guess on the other hand, it also makes me feel more confident that I can get through other difficult experiences. Though, if I'm being truthful, sometimes I do worry that if another child died or if Mike died, it might break me. I don't think I can repeat it.
Anyway, I am pleased with who I am at 40. I hope to say that at 50 as well.
This decade has the potential to be emotionally full as well. I can't predict the future and I can't control anyone's agency but if I had to guess, I assume some of the following will happen:
-a few more moves (maybe overseas?) -three missions -one or two marriages -a grandbaby -being left with only 2 kids home (and Piper being 17, will be on her way out as well) -Mike retiring (will he be an author and sell any books?!) -a dog? -both sets of parents dying (my dad in particular but who knows, maybe they will all live into their 90's) -a good chance that I'll have a knee replacement (let's all take a deep breath and pray hard that isn't true) -more family vacations!
I am excited to see what life has ahead for us but I am also anticipating a lot of sadness and happiness about some of these big life changes ahead. I am not even going to try and guess on any other challenges that God could place in our path.
All I can hope for is that if He makes my 4th decade as active and full as my 3rd, my list of adventures and blessings are longer than the hardships.
I'm ready to take on my 40's.
Tomorrow I am 40.
I have written about this before but turning 40 has been on my mind for about a year now. I think it all started to sit on my mind last year when I realized that I was turning 40 and the decade had turned out so much differently than I ever imagined. I feel like I've lived a lifetime in this one decade.
I do find it somewhat ironic that this decade is ending with a global pandemic.
I had all kinds of goals for my thirtieth year. I don't have any for my fourtieth year. I think my only goal will be to survive. It's funny actually becasue I had asked Mike for a blessing a few weeks ago and one of the things he mentioned was that during this pandemic I would achieve my goals. I was like, "Goals? I'm supposed to have those?" Well, here we are, a few weeks later, and I still don't know what goals I'm supposed to be achieving. hahaha.
At some point I wrote down a list of all the stuff that has happened during this decade. I don't know where I wrote that down but a brief review includes:
-2 miscarriages, -three pregnancies/babies, -four moves, -a broken knee, -a surgery to fix broken knee, -deployment, -post partum depression, -scoliosis diagnosis (mild, thankfully!), -surgery to remove a varicose vein, -death of my sweet Laila, -living through a hurricane, -a global pandemic -Gaining 40 lbs.
-3 beautiful baby girls, -three boys getting baptized and later receiving the preisthood, -experiencing living in a coastal city (I sure miss that beach!), -homeschool, -making best friends in different states, -picking up the hobby of photography, -owning (and ending) a business, -experiencing the smokies, -vacations in Shenadoah, Virginia, Virginia Beach, Vegas, Ruidoso, New Mexico, Destin, FL, Utah, Kentucky, Maryland, and Georgia. -My first cruise--Mayan Ruins! -The kids learning to surf. -Watching synchronized lighting bugs. -Having a pool. -family reunions -baking bootcamp -learning to sew very basic creations -callings in Primary (so many callings in Primary), Sunday School, Relief Society, and YW.
That list is grammatically not written well and I am too lazy to go fix it but goodness, what a lot. That isn't even half of all the experiences we have had during the last ten years. There have been a lot of stretching experiences and many, many beautiful, happy experiences. I feel grateful for all the growth and all the incredible things that have filled my life these last ten years.
I am not going to lie, I'm coming out of my 30's really tired. I entered my 30's so hopeful and so excited and I'm entering my 40's with a heck of a lot more maturity and life experience. I am certainly a better person but I'm also more realistic about this life stuff now and I am actually feeling a little hesitant. I remember right after Laila died, looking at Mike and saying, "But I'm only 31. If this happened when I'm this young, what does God still have in store for me?" I still sometimes worry about that. I think when you go through something really traumatic like that, it almost makes you more scared for a repeat or more scared for what else could happen because you know now just how bad it can be. But, I guess on the other hand, it also makes me feel more confident that I can get through other difficult experiences. Though, if I'm being truthful, sometimes I do worry that if another child died or if Mike died, it might break me. I don't think I can repeat it.
Anyway, I am pleased with who I am at 40. I hope to say that at 50 as well.
This decade has the potential to be emotionally full as well. I can't predict the future and I can't control anyone's agency but if I had to guess, I assume some of the following will happen:
-a few more moves (maybe overseas?) -three missions -one or two marriages -a grandbaby -being left with only 2 kids home (and Piper being 17, will be on her way out as well) -Mike retiring (will he be an author and sell any books?!) -a dog? -both sets of parents dying (my dad in particular but who knows, maybe they will all live into their 90's) -a good chance that I'll have a knee replacement (let's all take a deep breath and pray hard that isn't true) -more family vacations!
I am excited to see what life has ahead for us but I am also anticipating a lot of sadness and happiness about some of these big life changes ahead. I am not even going to try and guess on any other challenges that God could place in our path.
All I can hope for is that if He makes my 4th decade as active and full as my 3rd, my list of adventures and blessings are longer than the hardships.
I'm ready to take on my 40's.
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