Piper (AKA Piper Poops a lot, Piper Pipes a lot, or Pipes)
Oh this girl melts my heart.
She is in that stage now where she wants to be held literally all day long. She cries and cries when I walk out of the room or walk by her. She is the wiggliest, busy baby and makes it almost impossible to hold. She just bounces and moves the entire time and I get so tired holding her. Yesterday I held her from 9:30 AM to 7:30 PM with only breaks for her naps (very short) and the drive to and from church and the cemetery. By the time I put her in bed my arms and back were so tired! If she would just sit still! She really doesn't care too much about sitting on her own or in the bumbo. She just wants to move!
I can put her on the ground and she rolls all across the floor or scoots her body in a circle. She is getting on her knees and tries so hard to army crawl.
She loves all things soft--her blankies, stuffed animals, etc. Her face just lights up when you hand her something soft and she buries her face in them. She loves kisses and will move her head close to you so you will kiss her. It's so cute.
Piper's naps are improving, I think. She has some really terrible naps and some good naps and then some days with no naps. The days with no naps are hard days. She fusses and needs to be held all day long and it makes it so difficult for me to do anything. Last week she had four days of fantastic naps and then three days of poopy naps, and actually, I didn't mean for that to be a pun but half of the time, it's because of poop! She will go to sleep and then promptly poop, eliminating all chance of a good, refreshing nap. And then because her first nap is bad and she is overly tired, her second nap is generally not so great either. I'm hoping this will change and I think it will since her brothers were the same way.
I really love this baby. I can see such change in myself and the way I handle her compared to the way I handled her brothers. It's been hard for me to have babies. My babies have not been easy for me. Perhaps they would be a piece of cake for someone else, though I'm pretty sure that anyone would be frustrated after six plus hours of a no-napping baby. I do get so frustrated some times but when I honestly ask myself how I could handle it differently, there are some things I know I could be better at but on the whole, I feel that I'm so much more patient with it all.
Her placement and timing in our family causes me conflicted feelings. I have such gratitude for her little spirit and body and find such joy in holding her and loving her. And I also have a lot of baggage from Laila's death and sometimes I feel sad for her that she has to come to our family after such a tragedy where my spirit is still so wounded. But I think, from what I know of her spirit so far, that Heavenly Father sent her here exactly when she should be here and I think she is a healing balm for our entire family.
Comments
I love that picture of your Piper AKA all that other stuff. Your description of her is so wonderful.
I am sorry and have a sore spot in my heart for the lose of Lilia, too, but just seeing Piper helps me to feel better, too. Yes, she was sent to help us all, even if it is you who have to hold her all the time and change her dirty diapers. I hope to soon be able to come out and see her in real life.
Dad Clark
You don't know me but I ran across a post of yours on Laila on MMB several months ago and I've thought about it ever since. My bishop and his wife, Jenny, lost their little boy Russell unexpectedly a few years ago. In the weeks and months following that, Jenny wrote down her experiences as she tried to work through the grief. She was hungry for books about grief, especially grieving the loss of a child. She felt like everything written was either from people years past the experience so that it lacked the immediacy of the anger and pain she was feeling, or it was from people outside the gospel and it lacked the gospel context she needed. She finally wrote her own book from the journaling she did, and it just came out last month. It's called "In His Hands: A Mother's Journey Through the Grief of Sudden Loss." I'm pretty sure I could get you a copy of you want one.
This is from a review that was posted yesterday, to give you a sense of whether it's something you would want to read or should stay far away from: "She opens her heart and history for all to read, sharing the good, the bad, and even some of the ugly, while also bearing her testimony of the truthfulness of the gospel, the incredible gift of the Atonement and Resurrection, and her love of our Savior and Heavenly Father. She doesn’t gloss over the pain and loss she experienced, is still experiencing, after Russell’s death, and yet I couldn’t help but feel the hope of the gospel woven through everything she shared.
I was moved to tears several times. First for the loss the Hess family experienced when their son and brother passed away so suddenly, then later when my heart was touched by the Spirit as Jenny related the experiences that followed, sharing her testimony again and again. In both bitter and sweet times, the Savior’s supporting hand was evident, even if not realized at that exact moment. As a mother of a six-year-old boy, my only son, my heart ached for Jenny as I read, yet my heart was full as I felt the strength her testimony."
If you think this is something that would be good for you, just email me and I'll get you a copy. Or if that's weird, you can buy it on Amazon, but I'd be happy to just run over to Jenny's and grab one for you. Anyway, you can contact me at writestuff.jacobson at gmail dot com.