MMSM-Motivating

Today's MMSM is on motivation, more specifically how we motivate our husbands and children. I have thought of this one all day but haven't found a really good answer as far as techniques. I will admit that we are not perfect in this house at divying up assignments but we also don't have a lot of issues with it.

When we first got married we talked about household chores and how that was going to work for us. Mike brought up the idea of thresholds and that the person with the lowest threshold for a dirty house is the one that will end up doing most of the work. It is so true in this house! I am the mom and home most of the time and it is part of my job to clean and I think mainly because I am home and know what needs to be done, I have the lowest threshold and I do the cleaning.

Mike is an organizer and thinks it is fun to spend his Saturdays organizing but doesn't clean very often. I think I could safely say that Mike has never moped our floor in the almost four years of our marriage. He has only cleaned the bathroom a handful of times. He hates doing dishes. There have been times when I go awhile without cleaning certain things (mainly the bathrooms--I hate them!) and then after it is disgusting in my opinion, I clean it. Mike never even realizes that it was dirty! I ask him how the heck he didn't notice that it was dirty and he says, "If it got dirty enough to reach my threshold I would notice it and clean it. Thankfully, you clean it before it gets to that point."

Now, after telling you the things Mike doesn't do, I should list the things he does all the time. He always mows even when I tell him I am happy and willing to do it. He changes diapers when he is home if I am busy. He puts the boys to bed about every other day. He always cleans off the table after dinner and a lot of the time empties out the dishwasher. He likes to cook so a lot of the time he helps in the kitchen. He helps with the laundry on Saturdays and sweeps. He takes the garbage out and makes the bed.

None of these things we sat down and decided we would do. Another thing that Mike told me when we first got married was that if I wait for him to notice and do something it won't get done. He told me that if I want something done I need to just tell him and he would do it immediately. That has also been true through our marrige. Mike is often oblivious to what needs to get done but the minute I ask him to do something he does it. It's annoying and nice at the same time.

There have been times when I have felt overwhelmed by all the things I do in the house. This was a problem especially when Isaac was first born. Someone needed me every minute of the day and I felt I couldn't breathe. So, I talked to Mike about it and he started helping more and we decided that I could have one evening a week that was just for me. We don't do that now because I don't need it. I guess what works for us is just to talk about things.

Mike pointed out that the only time thresholds don't work is when your care or love for someone exceeds your apathy. So if Mike doesn't think the bathroom is dirty, he doesn't care to clean it but because he knows I think it's dirty or because I want it clean, he does it.